


Control

by AtrisMistraven



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Bathing/Washing, Bondage, Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Catra Goes to Therapy (She-Ra), Domme Adora (She-Ra), Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/F, Face-Sitting, Girls Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Let Catra (She-Ra) Say Fuck, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Mind Control, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Power Play, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers, Sleep Paralysis, Sub Catra (She-Ra), Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtrisMistraven/pseuds/AtrisMistraven
Summary: Horde Prime is gone. The war is over, and the future is full of hope. But Catra, still haunted by the past, struggles to move on, even with Adora by her side.When she sleeps, she's at her most vulnerable. She can only keep the memories at bay for so long. In her dreams, there's nothing she can do to stop them.Confronting her feelings of powerlessness is painful, even years after the end of the war. But maybe experiencing powerlessness is exactly what she needs to heal.A story about Catra's trauma, her issues with vulnerability, her relationship with Adora, and getting tied up.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 65
Kudos: 586





	1. Chapter 1

The hardest thing about adjusting to life in Bright Moon, the thing Catra hated most, was learning new words. It was embarrassing to have to catch up with basic concepts everyone else understood and had lived with their whole lives. After some time had passed, she supposed she could see the humour in not knowing what a “dessert” was, and she appreciated the excitement Adora’s friends– _her_ friends–felt in introducing her to such a simple joy.

Less humourous was “family,” another she learned early on. She absolutely resented the idea of her relationship with Shadow Weaver being compared to Glimmer’s with Micha, even with the qualifier that Shadow Weaver hadn’t done right by her. In the Horde, nobody knew the love of a mother. Shadow Weaver had been harder on Catra than was normal, but even what _was_ normal in the Fright Zone was horrifying to the people of Bright Moon

On the other side of things, there were words Catra didn’t know for concepts she was all too familiar with. “Abuse,” speaking of Shadow Weaver. “Loneliness,” which she always suspected wasn’t the normal state of being for anyone in the Horde but her.

And then there was one that truly surprised her, a concept she had been using a different word to describe. “Nightmares.” She simply called them “dreams.” It wasn’t that she never had good dreams, but rather that nightmares were her default. If anything, she would have thought pleasant dreams would have a distinguishing word.

She had dealt with them for as long as she could remember: dreams of Shadow Weaver’s brutal training and her tirades about Catra’s uselessness; dreams of failing simple tasks, of her body refusing to move in response to threats; dreams of Hordak sitting on his throne, his gaze distant and uncaring as he refused to acknowledge Catra’s successes.

Dreams of Adora leaving her. Adora not coming to find her when she was upset and hiding. Adora realizing Shadow Weaver was right, that Catra only held her back from her true potential.

And those were only the old, familiar dreams. Now she also had to deal with dreams of leading Horde attacks on her friends and the innocent, of activating the portal, of losing Adora in other ways...

...and of bright green eyes, always watching. Of sheers being taken to her mane. Images of conquest on a galactic scale. Her body, not under her control. And in those dreams, Adora always comes for her, and Catra’s mouth moves against her will as she tries desperately to hold back her most vulnerable thoughts. But it’s no use– _he_ forces her to speak, forces Adora to hear things Catra would never say. And Catra can’t decide what’s worse: the things that are true (“You broke my heart,”) or the blatant lies (“Prime has given me peace.”) She wants to beg Adora to save her, she wants to say _anything_ except what that bastard wants her to say. To scream, to move, to make it _fucking stop! Make it stop! STOP!_

* * *

“Stop...!” Catra exhales as she wakes. It takes a moment to get her bearings and remember where she is, and, more importantly, who she’s with.

It’s disorienting to wake up in Mara’s ship. Catra had the same problem adjusting to her and Adora’s room in Bright Moon, but this place is even worse. She remembers waking up here after being rescued from Horde Prime, and although she’s here now of her own will, accompanying Adora, Bow and Glimmer on their journey through the stars to restore magic to the other worlds, in this moment she feels like she’s being rescued all over again.

Only this time, Adora wakes up beside her, resting a comforting hand on her arm. Melog prowls around the perimeter of the bed, their mane flaring as their eyes dart furtively around the room in search of danger. “Melog, it’s okay!” Adora whispers urgently. “She was just...” She meets her lover’s dual-toned gaze, eyes wide with concern.

Catra lets out a sardonic laugh. “Hey, Adora,” she says, her voice twinged with fatigue and shame.

Melog looks over their shoulder and calms, seemingly realizing there is no danger. They hop onto the bed and nuzzle their troubled companion.

“I’m all right, you two,” Catra says with a weak smile.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adora asks.

“Uh...” Catra instinctively grasps the back of her neck and feels the scars from Entrapta’s impromptu surgery. She keeps her eyes low, focused on nothing in particular. “Just a nightmare. I’m used to it.”

“You were mumbling in your sleep,” Adora says. “I’ve never heard you do that before.”

“Well, I’ve got a lot of shit to deal with,” Catra snaps. “Sometimes things change I guess.”

Adora doesn’t say anything. Catra feels those deep blue eyes drilling into her, and she knows Adora is waiting for the moment to pass so she can talk without her getting defensive. She knows because that’s what she told Adora to do.

One day, after an especially emotional session with Perfuma, Catra came home with reddened eyes and sat Adora down in their room. “I hate feeling weak,” she said back then. “And I hate it when people pry. And I hate it even more when people tell me ‘I’m only trying to help.’ And...we argue when I’m not okay, and I hate that most of all. So...I’m thinking, when I get like that, can you just not say anything? Maybe if you let me fume, if you give me a second to hate myself, it’ll pass and I’ll uh...be able to open up more.”

And so Adora gives her space. Catra lets out a frustrated breath, closes her eyes, then inhales slowly through her nose and exhales through her mouth. “Sorry,” she says.

“It’s okay, love,” Adora says. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

But Catra thinks of it differently. Of course she doesn’t want to talk about it. She never wants to talk about this sort of thing. She’s had a lot of practice bottling up her feelings; it’s her instinct to do so. It feels safe, and she knows it it’s the worst thing she can do. So, when she wants to close people out, she first acknowledges that talking will make her feel vulnerable, then asks herself, “Do I feel safe being vulnerable here?” And then, “Would talking about it make me feel better?” Another trick she learned from Perfuma.

She answers “Yes,” to the first question. To the second, “I don’t know.” But she decides to try.

“It was...um... It was a dream about Horde Prime. About...being chipped.”

“Oh, Catra...” Adora opens her arms and invites Catra to lean on her shoulder. She does.

“I...get them sometimes,” Catra says. “Not that often. But...I’ve been having them every night since we left Etheria.” She puts her hand on the back of her neck again. Her hair has grown out some since the last time she was on this ship, which reassures her, puts distance between then and now. She plays with her locks a bit.

Adora gently strokes Catra’s hair, which prompts a purr. She lets go of her neck.

“It’s just...” Catra says. “It’s not fair. He’s gone now. Why is he still–” A sob suddenly cuts off her words. She clenches her eyes closed. “Why is he still in my fucking head?” She forces the words out.

Catra turns her face fully into Adora’s shoulder as Adora wraps strong arms around her. For minutes, Catra simply cries while Adora whispers in her ear. “It’ll be okay,” she says. “He’s gone. And I’m here. I’ll always be here.” She repeats variations of that until Catra is able to take slow, deep breaths.

“Promise?” Catra says meekly, finally pulling her face away from Adora’s pyjama top.

“Promise,” Adora says.

Catra gives Adora a tight hug, and the two of them lay back down. As they shift around, Catra letting Adora spoon her, Melog rubs their face against Catra’s hand. Catra chuckles and pets her companion.

“I know I can’t do anything about your dreams,” Adora says. “But I’ll always keep you safe, Catra.”

“I know, Adora,” Catra says. “You have no idea what that means to me.”

As she lays in her lover’s arms, Catra wishes she could find the words to explain what moments like this really do mean to her. She still can’t believe she has Adora back, not to mention that she has her like this. It’s new and exciting but still so familiar. It’s like being back in the Fright Zone with her, when Catra was unhappy but still had her best friend, her anchor. Only now, her best friend is so much more than that, she’s not so unhappy, and she doesn’t feel like she has to stay at the foot of the bed.

“Sorry I got snot on your shirt,” Catra says, for want of anything more romantic.

Adora laughs. “It’s okay. Good night, love.”

Yeah, she decides. It is okay. It’s okay if she has nightmares from time to time. Adora will always be there when she wakes up.

Adora holds her and strokes her hair until they both fall back asleep, with Catra feeling better, knowing the dreams about Prime are most likely a product of the stress of being in space again. They’ll probably stop once they get back to Etheria.

She would later look back on that thought and laugh at herself.


	2. Chapter 2

“ _Wake up, little sister.”_

Catra opens her eyes and panic immediately overtakes her. She’s in a small room, lying on a cold metal table. She tries to sit up, but she hasn’t been commanded to do that yet.

 _Fuck_ , she tries to say.

Her arm won’t move, so she can’t bring her hand to the back of her neck. Then she realizes she doesn’t need to check––she can _feel_ the constant flow of information. She can see the Horde ships overwhelming those foolish enough to resist, can hear the cries of the subjugated fighting desperately against the ground forces. And, somehow, she knows that Adora’s ship has docked. She knows because her presence is requested to greet her guest.

Her legs move. She can’t stop them. In her head, Prime is already trawling through her memories, curious yet distant. He will use what he finds to hurt Adora, but there is no malice in his intention. He simply wants to see what will happen, to experiment as if on ants under a magnifying glass.

Catra resists. She tries to shut her eyes as if that could force him out. She feels them close, she’s sure of it, but it’s like her eyelids are transparent. She tries to speak but her voice won’t obey her.

Adora is coming. She shouldn’t be here. Prime will kill her. He’ll make Catra be the one to do it.

 _Adora!_ Catra tries to yell. _Get out!_

But that’s not what she wants. Besides, Adora made a promise. “Help me, Adora...” The words come out but only barely. She keeps pushing. “Help... Please...” It’s too hard to say anything. Forming words takes more effort than she can muster.

So she tries to scream.

* * *

A small, meek noise escapes Catra’s throat. It’s enough to break her out of the dream. But...something’s wrong. She still can’t move. She tries to lift her arm. She tries to speak. Her body resists her attempts to command it.

It takes a moment to figure out where she must be. She’s in her and Adora’s bedroom, back in Bright Moon. She can’t open her eyes, so she tries to visualize the room. But her mind, still half-asleep, won’t let her see anything but metal walls and white cloth. What did their bedroom look like again?

The moment of awareness is gone. She could be anywhere. The Horde barracks, maybe. Or her quarters on Mara’s ship. She can’t remember which life she’s supposed to be living right now.

“–dora...” she manages to say. “Ah...”

The chip. It’s still there. It... No, the chip is gone. It was a dream. She needs to focus. She can’t let herself fall asleep again. She has to get control over her body. She has to move, to make noise, to do _something_.

Panicked and at a loss, she tries screaming again, like she in her dream, like she tried to do the entire time Prime controlled her. It worked to wake her up, now she just needs to get Adora’s attention. Adora will help.

Adora. Where is she? Is she by Catra’s side? Is she already awake? Would she even be able to hear?

Wherever Adora is, Catra has to keep trying. She can’t let the nightmares take her. She can’t face it again. She can’t––

“Ahh...”

It’s not much. In her mind, she’s screaming as loud as she can, but her body will only let out a fragment of that terror. It’s a weak, pathetic noise. Her body shifts, but only slightly. She’s almost forced herself awake but she still can’t quite get there.

“Ahhhh...!”

Something disturbs the mattress. Catra bolts upright and bares her claws, breathing hard as she takes stock of her surroundings. The light of day shines through the curtains, and there’s another light in the room, dim and blue but quickly turning to red.

“Melog,” Catra says. With a deep breath, she brings the heels of her hands to her eyes. “What the fuck just happened?”

Red fades back to blue, and Melog regards Catra with concern.

“I-I couldn’t move...” Catra touches the back of her neck tenderly, finding nothing unusual under her long hair. “I thought i-it was _him_ again. Adora. Where’s...?”

She remembers. Adora had gone to Dryl on behalf of Bright Moon. It was determined at Hordak’s trial that Entrapta would take responsibility for the former tyrant, and the two of them would work together to build homes and manage a community for the other clones. It was technically a punishment; Hordak was still not allowed to leave Dryl, and representatives from the other kingdoms of the Princess Alliance were to check on him once a month.

As always, when Adora’s turn came, Catra declined to go with her. She couldn’t. Even after more than two years together, this was still one of the few times they were apart.

Instead, Catra took the opportunity to sleep in. She was as much a part of the rebuilding efforts as anyone, and ordinarily she would be able to keep herself busy without Adora at her side, but she’d scheduled a therapy session with Perfuma for later in the day. She figured she’d might as well get an extra few hours of sleep. After all, she hadn’t been sleeping well, and she could use the rest.

But after what she just experienced, she can’t possibly care less about her appointment. She brings her knees to her chest, wraps her arms around them and wishes desperately that Adora was there to hold her.

Her body starts to shake. The sensation of being aware yet unable to move or speak is still fresh in her mind. Her breath hitches as she’s wracked with sobs. She’s vaguely aware of Melog trying to comfort her, but it’s no use. She curls up on her side and buries her face in her crossed arms. She can barely breathe between anguished cries.

The feeling of being submerged in a sickly green vat overwhelms her. It hurt to breathe then, too, with the tube shoved down her throat and the many arms of Prime forcing her under. She clenches her eyes shut in a futile attempt to stop the flow of tears and starts to hyperventilate, choking out screams wherever her lungs can manage.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she has the presence to be concerned that someone will hear her. But even if it were possible to reign in her breakdown, she doesn’t care enough to. It’s like she’s existing in two places at once: there’s her body, howling in terror and pain, and her mind, disconnected from the flood of emotion and simply observing.

“Catra! What’s wrong?”

Glimmer has teleported into the room, and Catra thinks she should say something, but she knows the words wouldn’t reach her mouth. Instead she continues to wail.

“Easy, Melog! I’m here to help!”

Oh, that’s right. Melog must be protecting her.

Minutes pass, or maybe seconds, probably not hours. Catra can’t tell. She hears the door swing open at some point, more footsteps, more voices.

“Give her space!” Glimmer says. “Everyone but Bow, stay outside.”

Eventually, her crying abates, and she realizes it’s because her body doesn’t have the energy to keep it up. Her throat is raw and dry. Her head is pounding. She feels like she could turn and face her friends, but what would she say? Instead she keeps her face buried in her arms and tries to catch her breath. A few more sobs escape her throat, making it impossible to breathe comfortably.

“Catra,” Bow says softly. “I think you just had a panic attack. Breathe in and out slowly, okay?”

She’s been trying. It hurts.

“Like this. Breathe in...” She hears Bow inhale, pause, then say “Breathe out,” and exhale. He repeats this, and she does her best to copy what he’s doing. Her breaths are shaky at first, but eventually she’s able to match his rhythm.

“Good. Keep going,” he says.

It takes a minute, but soon Catra’s breathing normalizes, and her mind feels less detached from her body. She looks up, carefully, and first sees Melog lying next to her, then Bow and Glimmer standing nearby.

“Uh, hey guys,” she rasps weakly.

“Are you okay?” Glimmer says.

Catra looks back to Melog and pets her companion gently. “No,” she admits.

“What can we do to help?” says Bow.

Good question.


	3. Chapter 3

When Adora finds her, Catra is sitting at the highest point she can find in Bright Moon––a balcony outside a ballroom that hasn’t seen use since the celebrations following Prime’s defeat. Catra gazes over the expanse of the Whispering Woods, Melog curled up and laying their head on their companion’s lap. A lot has changed since their days in the Fright Zone, but this particular habit of Catra’s never did. Adora has found her in this spot a few times since the end of the war––it’s where Catra always goes when she wants Adora to find her.

By now, it’s become a familiar ritual. Adora steps toward Catra, making sure her footsteps are loud enough so as not to alarm her (an unnecessary gesture with Catra’s hearing, but an appreciated one nonetheless), and takes a seat next to her girlfriend.

Catra pulls her knees up, causing Melog to scamper off, and buries her face in them. Even though all she’s wanted for hours was to see Adora, her awareness of the fur on her face, matted with tears, makes her feel unexpectedly vulnerable.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Adora says.

Catra shakes her head, an awkward gesture in her curled up position. “You can’t always be here, Adora,” she says, voice muffled.

“Are you okay? Bow said he and Glimmer found you crying and...” Her voice trails off. It instantly irritates Catra; as if saying the words could somehow make things worse.

“And having a panic attack. Yeah, I know, I was there.” She lifts her head and rests her chin on her knees, no longer caring how she looks.

“Catra, please,” Adora sighs. “Can we not argue this time? I’m not the only one who’s worried about you, you know.”

She knows. She’d asked Bow and Glimmer for some privacy and then snuck out of her room at the first opportunity. She hadn’t been oblivious to the consequences of her actions, how she’d made her friends feel. She just needed space.

When Catra doesn’t say anything, Adora continues. “I’m sorry, I just...I don’t know how to ask what’s going on without sounding...demanding, I guess? If–if you don’t want to talk–”

“Don’t treat me like I’m fragile,” Catra says. “Hearing how worried I’m making everyone doesn’t help. Just...ask me.” She speaks bluntly, and there’s a trace of anger in her voice at first, but it gives way to something frank and honest.

Adora nods. “What happened?”

“I...” Catra realizes she hadn’t thought that far ahead. Adora’s here, like she wanted, and Catra has let her in on her terms. And now she has no idea how to describe what happened to her.

“I thought...it was him again,” she says. “I couldn’t move and...” She shakes her head. “I...had another nightmare. And it’s like...I couldn’t wake up all the way. I wasn’t sure where I was or _when_ I was, and I tried to call for you and I–” Finally, she looks Adora in the eyes, her own eyes watering, face contorted in frustration. “I couldn’t move, Adora. I couldn’t talk. It was like...back then.” Her voice wavers as tears begin to flow. “I don’t know what it was and it just...it fucked me up, I couldn’t breathe, and I just–”

Adora keeps her arms open as Catra talks, and finally Catra collapses into them, sobbing. “I was so scared, Adora. I was so fucking scared.”

“It’ll be okay,” Adora says. “It’s over now. You’re safe. He can’t hurt anyone anymore.” She strokes Catra’s hair, which has grown even longer. Lately, Catra has taken to wearing it in a ponytail most of the time, but after the way she’d woken up today, she hadn’t bothered to do anything with it. In this moment, the feeling of Adora’s hands in her wild, unkempt hair reminds her of the better parts of their days in the Fright Zone. The sensation helps more than Adora’s words do. Soon she’s able to get her breathing under control, like Bow taught her, and a rumbling purr grows within her, which helps to comfort her further.

Catra wonders why she still feels the need to resist this. Adora always makes everything better. When she wakes from yet another nightmare about Horde Prime, Adora is there to hold her. When she doubts that she’s worthy of forgiveness, Adora not only reassures her, but acts as a sounding board for Catra to think of more ways to help the repair efforts. And when she struggles with feelings of low self-worth stemming from Shadow Weaver’s abuse, she knows Adora will understand better than anyone else could, and that despite the wedge their guardian tried to drive between them, they will always uplift each other. It’s one of the few ways Catra feels on equal footing with Adora.

But lately, Catra’s problems haven’t been about Shadow Weaver. They’ve been about memories of a kind of death Catra hadn’t even know was possible: a kind she had to continue to live through. And even though Adora’s right, Prime _is_ gone, Catra can’t help but wonder...

“Why am I only getting worse?”

“You’re not,” Adora says. “Catra, you’ve worked so hard. You’ve opened up to people, you have regular sessions with Perfuma, hell, you give _me_ advice when I take on too many responsibilities. You’re doing everything you reasonably can.”

“Yeah, and this is what I get like when you’re gone for a few hours?” Catra leans back, putting distance between her and her lover. “Adora, do you have any idea how easy it is to rely on you? Like...maybe that’s why I keep starting arguments.” In a sudden move, she grips Adora’s hand in hers. “When I’m hurting, all I want is to be in your arms, to feel your fingers in my hair...to know I’m loved. But I...” She grits her teeth and looks away. “I hate feeling needy.”

Adora cups a hand around Catra’s cheek–a soft touch with calloused fingers–and draws her gaze back toward her. “Catra. We all need other people sometimes. There’s no shame in it.”

Catra blinks away tears, captivated by the kindness in her lover’s blue eyes, yet dreading what she might say to the thought that immediately comes to mind. “But...what if I need you more than you need me?”

“Oh, Catra, you know that’s not true, right?”

“Isn’t it? You joined the rebellion without me. You became a hero without me. You made new friends and saved lives while all I did was hurt people and self-destruct.”

“And the whole time we were apart, it hurt. It hurt every time we met on the battlefield. It hurt every time I went to bed alone. All I wanted was for you to be with me.” Adora leans forward and rests her forehead against Catra’s. They both close their eyes. “We’ve talked about this. I know why you stayed and I forgive you. But you’ve got it in your head that I was fine without you. I wasn’t. You have no idea how much better I am now that you’re here.”

Catra places a hand on Adora’s face, mirroring her lover’s touch. “Even though I’m still so fucked up? Even though you have to take care of me?”

“We take care of _each other_. Just like when we were growing up. We’re so much stronger together.”

Catra’s breath hitches. She subconsciously dampens her lips. “Adora...” she whispers.

Adora shifts her hand from Catra’s cheek to the back of her head, fingers twining through fur and hair, and draws her in. Their mouths meet in a soft kiss and immediately Catra parts her lips to invite Adora in, to open herself to her lover. The walls Catra keeps up even after all this time together crumble, as they always do when she feels the warmth of Adora’s body against hers, and what she wouldn’t give to just _keep_ them down, to feel this safe and loved all the time, without the sabotaging whispers of fear and bitterness invading her mind. But she barely has the capacity to think about that before Adora’s other hand is on her waist and she’s pulled onto her lap. They lose their balance instantly and collapse onto the balcony floor, breaking from their kiss in a fit of shared laughter.

“You’re out of control,” Catra says when she catches her breath. “Do you have any idea how high up we are?”

“Scared?” Adora says with a playful smirk.

“Yeah, for you, idiot. Unlike _some_ people, I’m actually good at climbing.” Catra bares her claws for effect. “I’d like to see you cling to stone in mid-fall.”

Adora quirks her brow. “I didn’t think you kept those things sharp anymore. And I should know.”

Catra fails to contain a laugh. “Guess we’re both fucked then. Better not fall.”

Adora gives Catra a smile. “Feeling better?”

“For now,” Catra sighs. “I guess I have some things to talk to Perfuma about.” She rubs the matted fur around her eyes. “Fuck, I must look like such a mess.”

Adora takes Catra’s hand in hers. “You’ve had a rough day.” She draws her bottom lip between her teeth, her expression part thoughtful and part something else. “Hey, I have an idea. If you’re up for it.”

Intrigued, Catra flashes a seductive smirk. “What’s on your mind?”

“Something they shouldn’t be here to see.” Adora glances over at Melog, sitting a small distance apart from the two lovers and grooming. “Meet me in our room. I’ll take care of everything.”


	4. Chapter 4

Catra doesn’t bathe the same way Adora does. She hates water, so she doesn’t take baths if she can help it. Showers are even worse.  The method that works for her is to use shampoo (different kinds for her fur and hair, which is a luxury she hadn’t even thought of in the Fright Zone), damp towels, and  _highly controlled_ amounts of water. In her deployments as Force Captain, she used a bottle that she filled at rivers and lakes. In Bright Moon, she and Adora had their bedroom’s waterfall replaced with a  curtained-off tiled area, equipped with a drain,  a stool and an extendable showerhead  with variable pressure. Neither of them  ever  understood the waterfall anyway, and having a source of constantly running water in  the room  made Catra nervous.

After sending Melog out to explore and amuse themself, Catra catches up with Adora, who went to their bedroom ahead of her. When she finds her, Adora is making their bed.

“Uh, hey,” Catra says. “Sorry I didn’t do that earlier.”

Adora just chuckles. “Since when do you make  the bed, anyway?” She smooths out the last sheet, then beckons Catra  to her as she walks toward the curtain separating the main space of the room from what they call Catra’s grooming room. “I told you, I’ll take care of everything.”

Catra follows Adora  and lets out a yelp when strong hands grip her waist and pull her forward. Their lips meet, their tongues intertwine, and Catra melts into Adora’s embrace, relishing the feeling of those powerful arms taking control of her. After the day Catra’s had, letting Adora take care of her sounds pretty good.

“Let’s get you out of these,” Adora says as her hands find the hem of Catra’s loose tank top.

“Whatever you say.” Catra smirks.

It excites her to see Adora like this, commanding her with both her words and her hands. It’s a side of her she  doesn’t  see often;  despite Adora’s strength, both physical and mental, she has a mostly gentle nature, in bed as much as anywhere else. Life in the Fright Zone affected them in different ways. For Catra, it drew out her anger and taught her to fear anyone in a position of power over her. For Adora, it taught her to be an immovable object, always placing the needs of others above her own. Becoming She-Ra reinforced that notion and led her to feel solely responsible for holding the weight of the world on her magnificent shoulders.

But despite Adora saying she’ll take care of Catra now, Catra knows her well enough to see the difference in her lover’s eyes. She isn’t looking at her with pity, something that Catra can’t stand. No, instead, Adora’s eyes glint with playfulness and confidence.  Catra is used to seeing tenderness and uncertainty when she and Adora make love, and it’s something that motivates her to take the position of top for herself, to show Adora what she’s capable of and drive her wild with desire.

Now, though, as Adora lifts Catra’s tank top over her head and discards it, and as she moves on to sliding her hands down Catra’s sides to hook her fingers under the band of her boyshorts, there is no uncertainty in her movements.  She lowers herself down Catra’s body as she disrobes her, and a shiver runs through Catra as Adora draws her hands back up, through the fur of her hips, around to the small of her back.

“Fuck, Adora.” A purr rumbles through Catra as she nuzzles her cheek into the crook of Adora’s neck. She slips her hands up the back of Adora’s shirt.

“Take it off,” Adora commands.

Catra meets her eyes, feeling very small, and nods. Adora raises her arms to allow Catra to begin disrobing her, first her shirt, then her long skirt. Catra nibbles her lower lip in anticipation of what’s next. She unhooks Adora’s bra and quickly reaches for a strap, only for Adora to place a hand over Catra’s, halting her progress.

“Not so fast,” she says. “We’ve got all day.”

“But––” Catra stares openly at Adora’s breasts and bites her lip harder, absolutely _aching_ to take a nipple in her mouth and draw out Adora’s tantalizing moans. But Adora simply regards her sternly, and Catra finds she can’t object. “Uh, s-sorry.”

Adora’s expression softens into a smile. She takes a step back. “Have a seat,” she says, gesturing to the stool. Catra does, and Adora takes her time removing her own undergarments, all deliberate movements and teasing looks,  making Catra squirm.

Once she’s fully naked, Adora kicks their clothes outside the curtain, closes it, and stands before Catra in all her muscular glory. Catra gazes up at her reverently. To think, Adora hasn’t even transformed into  She-Ra, yet she  projects such power.

But Catra doesn’t have much time to consider this before Adora takes the showerhead in her hand and tests the pressure, causing Catra to instinctively flinch away.

“Oops,” Adora says. “Guess that’s a bit too strong.”

“You did that on purpose,” Catra says with a pout even though the water came nowhere near her.

“I actually didn’t.” Adora adjusts the pressure, takes a towel in her hand and holds it under the water. “Not to say I wouldn’t be tempted to bully you a bit, but...” She smirks at first, but her expression softens. “Not today.”

“Uh, yeah,” Catra says, rubbing the back of her head, feeling awkward yet touched by Adora’s understanding. “I was only joking, anyway.”

Adora’s smile returns.  She wrings out the towel. “I know, love. Now, hold still.”

She begins with Catra’s hand, holding it between both of hers with the warm, damp towel around it. She starts slow and gentle, massaging her lover’s hand, and then working up her forearm. It’s a strange sensation;  due to their different hygienic needs, Catra isn’t one to invite Adora to bathe with her . She’s asked for help with  her hair before, but never anything like this. Even if Catra had thought that Adora washing her fur could be an erotic act, she wouldn’t have asked. But now, as Adora rubs shampoo along the length of her arm, Catra closes her eyes, enjoys the feeling and anxiously awaits Adora reaching certain other areas of her body.

Adora takes the showerhead and rinses the shampoo out with a fairly low pressure stream, following up with a dry towel before moving on to Catra’s other arm and repeating the process.

“This okay so far?” Adora asks. “Not too much water?”

“Yeah, it’s... It’s good,” Catra says, a smile in her voice.

“Good.” Adora dampens the towel again, stands behind Catra and lifts her hair out of the way. “Is it okay if I wash your neck?”

Catra nods. She knows why Adora is asking; the back of her neck isn’t a place she likes being touched. Not since...

But Adora starts at the sides of her neck, not the back, and drapes the towel over her shoulders. Catra finds it’s not so bad this way, with Adora focusing _around_ the area where the chip used to be. She holds her hair to give Adora better access, and Adora uses her thumbs to rub some shampoo firmly against Catra’s fur and skin. The massage elicits a purr as Catra feels her girlfriend’s hands run along her shoulders, up the sides of her neck, along the base of her skull, before finally moving across the scarred area in the center. And just as quickly, Adora has moved on, refocusing on Catra’s shoulders and releasing the tension in her muscles, tension which, to Catra’s surprise, isn’t as bad as she expected. A quick rinse later and Adora repeats the process with a dry towel, and feeling those hands massage her a second time makes Catra start to feel _very_ impatient.

“Mm, that feels good,” Catra purrs.

“I’m glad.” There’s a touch of relief in Adora’s voice. She was clearly worried about touching an area Catra associates with trauma. Normally, Catra would be irritated at the thought and insist that Adora not treat her like she’s made of glass, but in truth, she’s grateful Adora asked first and went about the massage in such a considerate way. She barely even noticed as Adora’s fingers traced down the back of her neck.

And then Adora is moving the towel down Catra’s back, along her sides and onto a place she very much _does_ like being touched: the sensitive curve at the small of her back. She could never explain why. Something about Adora’s hands on that spot just makes Catra go absolutely weak at the knees, and once Adora starts rubbing in the shampoo, Catra’s mind goes all but blank, all but for one feeling quickly pooling between her legs, and she tilts her head back to release a soft moan.

“Kitty like?” Adora asks smugly as she rinses out the shampoo.

“Sh-shut up,” Catra mumbles, rubbing her thighs together.

“How about you tell me where you want to be touched?”

The sudden request throws Catra off. She _knows_ the answer she wants to give, but with the state she’s in, she can’t find her voice.

An arm wraps around her, and she feels the towel against her abs, slowly wandering up.

“I bet I know,” Adora says. “But I want to hear it from you. I’ve got you in such rare form. It’s not often I find the oh-so-proud Catra with nothing to say.”

What’s going on, Catra wants to ask. Talk about rare form; what’s gotten into Adora?

“Ah, sorry,” Adora says. “What am I saying?” Just as her hand nears Catra’s chest, she pulls away.

Catra grips her wrist with unreal speed. The move leaves both of them speechless.

They stay there, motionless for long seconds. Catra is the first to move, keeping hold of Adora’s hand and slowly shifting around on the stool to face her, unsure what she’ll see when she looks into her eyes. She bites her lip, looks up, and in the same moment, Adora reaches forward with the towel to wash the still-matted fur around Catra’s eyes.

A whimper escapes Catra’s throat. What is she seeing? This is Adora, same as she ever was. Her best and oldest friend.  Her girlfriend for the last two years.  The woman she loves and who loves her back. There should be nothing more familiar than this. Yet in this moment, something sparkles in those big blue eyes, something Catra doesn’t recognize. And it exhilarates her.

Adora washes one side of Catra’s face, then the other, then drops the towel and cups a  hand around her cheek, meeting her eyes with a smile Catra can’t decipher.

“Catra,” Adora says at last. “There’s so much I want to do to you right now.”

Catra’s entire face heats up.  She knows what she wants to say.  _Then do it, coward._ Normally, she wouldn’t hesitate.  So why does it feel...out of line?

When Catra doesn’t say anything, Adora’s seductive look turns to one of concern. “Should I, uh, not have said that?”

“N-no!” Catra says. “Uh, I-I mean, yes? I mean...” Dammit, why are words failing her? “Fuck... I mean, _please_ , Adora. I _need_ you to fuck me.”

Adora grins broadly. “With pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today! Keep reading for more smut :3


	5. Chapter 5

Adora takes Catra by the hand and leads her, in a daze, to their bed. Catra’s fur is still damp but as her back hits the mattress, it hardly matters to her. She has only one thought in her mind: coming at Adora’s hands.

But Adora seems to be in no hurry. All Catra wants is for Adora to straddle her and make rough love to her. Instead, Adora simply stands over the bed, a smirk on her face, hands on her hips, gazing down at Catra’s body. It makes Catra feel even more naked somehow. She squirms against the mattress, and the feeling of putting herself on display for Adora causes her desire to pulse harder still between her legs.

Adora grins. “Seeing you like this is so hot.”

A blush works its way up Catra’s ears. “Y-yeah,” she says. “ The, uh, feeling’s mutual.” She’s tempted to tease Adora, call her a pervert, but with those eyes on her, it’s hard to say much of anything without whimpering.  And right now, even if Catra could muster up the will to say something bratty, she wouldn’t want to. Whatever spell the two of them are under, she wants it to last.

Adora takes her time climbing on top of Catra, as if every second is something to be savoured.  She slips one leg between Catra’s and presses her knee against her lover’s wanting pussy. The move draws a gasp from Catra, which in turn prompts Adora to smile smugly.

She leans down, close to Catra’s ear. “How bad do you want me?”

Now Catra  _does_ whimper. Adora laughs. “That bad?”

“You have no idea...”

“Then tell me,” Adora says. “Better yet, show me.”

With permission granted, Catra wraps her arms around Adora’s neck and pulls her down into a desperate lip-lock. Adora chuckles against Catra’s mouth and immediately pushes her tongue inside, and it’s so delicious and satisfying that Catra moans into the kiss and grinds against Adora’s knee. As they break from the kiss, Catra already feels tears of pure ecstasy forming in her eyes.

She barely has a moment to catch her breath before Adora descends on her neck, nibbling gently at first and then biting. “Fuck , Adora,” she cries out. “Don’t stop.”

“Mm,” Adora mumbles against Catra’s neck. She runs her hand down Catra’s sides and grips her waist, and Catra shivers at the touch. Adora plants kisses on a path down Catra’s neck and shoulder before arriving at her collarbone.

“Yes,” Catra breathes. “Keep going. Please.” As she continues to grind, she lets her hands slide down Adora’s biceps, lingering there for a moment before dropping them to her own chest. She cups her breasts in offering to Adora and finds she can’t resist massaging them a bit, the lust burning so hotly inside her that she _needs_ the release.

“Strange to hear you say that,” Adora muses, taking in the sight of Catra’s breasts. “‘Please.’ Not something I normally hear from you.” She meets Catra’s eyes and smirks. “So how can I refuse when you ask so nicely?” She pauses for a moment, bites her lower lip, and then adds in a sultry whisper, “My pet.”

Catra’s face flushes hard. Adora’s never called her that before. Why does it excite her so much? She nearly comes undone then and there.

“Not yet,” Adora whispers, pulling her knee away. Catra stifles a whine as she’s left with no way to deal with the pulsing need between her legs.

“Poor thing.” Adora smirks. “I’ll make it better.” She grips Catra’s breasts, taking over the massage Catra had been giving herself, then finally leans down to take Catra’s nipple in her mouth and oh how it makes Catra moan. It’s a tender kiss at first but soon Adora begins sucking hard, her tongue dancing around the hard peak, causing Catra to writhe against the mattress. Her hands instinctively wrap around to Adora’s back and hold on tight, claws digging into her shoulders a little.

As Adora’s tongue lavishes attention on one nipple, the other is treated to a firm pinch. “ _Fuck,_ ” Catra gasps sharply.

Adora lifts her face away from Catra’s chest. “Too much?”

“Please don’t stop.” The words come breathlessly and without thinking. Catra knows she’s being very unlike herself, but she can’t help it. She doesn’t _want_ to help it. Her mind is filled with thoughts of Adora, of all the things she wants her lover to do to her, and acute awareness of her pulsing clit. It’s like there’s a thick, pleasant fog, numbing the world around them and all other worries. Only one thing matters right now: their shared pleasure.

And so Adora ravishes Catra’s tits, sucking and pinching and biting, and Catra purrs hard and loud, swearing profusely and calling out her girlfriend’s name. “Adora. Oh, fuck. Holy shit. Yes. _Yes._ ”

One hand lets go of Catra’s chest. At first, Catra thinks Adora is teasing her again. Then that hand grips her thigh _hard_ , thumb rubbing so close to her pussy that a shiver runs through her body. “Oh fuck, _yes_.” Adora rubs her fingers along Catra’s wet thighs, gathering as much natural lubricant as she can, but still doesn’t make contact with the one area Catra has been absolutely _aching_ for her to touch.

“Please, Adora,” Catra says. “I-I can’t take it anymore.”

Adora releases Catra’s nipple from her mouth and looks up at her, smirking. “Please what, pet?”

That word again. Catra whimpers. “P-please,” she says. “Please fuck me.  Don’t make me keep begging. You’ve got me so fucking hot, Adora. Please– _hahh!_ ”

Adora plunges two fingers deep inside Catra, cutting  off her begging and making her eyes lull back. Her body trembles, her spine arches, and the walls of her wet cunt tighten around Adora’s fingers.

Catra opens her mouth, but no sound escapes, as if so much pleasure is built up in her gut that it can’t all make it through her throat at once.

After all Adora has done to work her up, it doesn’t take much. Strong fingers, making slow, rhythmic thrusts. A thumb circling her clit. Catra never stood a chance. She grips the bedsheets beneath her, her voice returns to her, and the moan she lets out borders on a scream. Hot juices soak the mattress and Adora’s hand as the orgasm roars through Catra’s lithe body.

But Adora doesn’t let up. Just as Catra is getting her wits about her enough to ride out the last of her climax, Adora curls her fingers inside her, instantly locating that wonderful spot she knows so well. A cry catches in Catra’s throat, turning first into a sharp intake of breath and then a high, euphoric noise Catra has _never_ heard herself make before.

Then Adora adds a third finger. Immediately, a second orgasm rocks Catra, and this time she has enough presence of mind to push against her lover’s hand and truly revel in the rapturous sensations.

Catra wonders how she must look, hair splayed out, panting, completely submitting to Adora’s will. She’s so used to being the one to initiate their love-making, and although finding herself underneath Adora is a position she’s familiar enough with, it isn’t how they usually do things. Even when Catra does bottom for Adora, she’s still the one who sets the pace.

But now, Adora sits triumphantly over Catra, licking juices from her fingers. An extra little punctuation, telling Catra how completely she’s been claimed.

And Catra doesn’t mind it one bit.

“Holy shit,” Catra breathes. “Adora. _Fuck_. That was...”

Adora chuckles. “Oh, Catra. My good little pet. It’s not over yet.”

Catra’s eyes widen. She’s not sure her body can take much more.

Adora  slides off of Catra and onto the other side of the bed. She props one knee up, giving Catra a tantalizing look at how wet she’s gotten.

“I haven’t had my turn yet. Come here. Let me feel your tongue.”

Catra grins. What else can she do but obey? She slips between Adora’s legs, massages her thighs, and tastes her at last.

After all the wanton sounds Adora drew from her, Catra is ready to hear an orgasmic serenade of her own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for all your comments so far. I'm glad you've been enjoying this fic.
> 
> Up until now, I've been aiming to have a new chapter posted once a week. I'm not sure that's going to be as tenable from now on. I've been busy with work and haven't had as much time to write as I would like. So if I don't have the next chapter ready for next week, that's why.
> 
> With this chapter, we're about halfway through the story! I have the rest of the fic plotted out, so don't worry, it *will* be completed.
> 
> For now, I hope you enjoy chapter 6!

It’s the middle of the night when Catra wakes up. Adora is snoring and one of her arms is still draped over Catra’s middle. Melog, who must have let themself back into the room at some point, is asleep nearby.

Catra’s eyes go wide. Images flood her mind of what she and Adora did.

Holy shit.

What _was_ that, she wonders. What came over her to make her act so...?

She can’t even bring herself to think the words. What she did wasn’t like her at all. She has _never_ said ‘please’ in bed before. She’s never hesitated to tell Adora exactly what she wants. And she certainly has never begged.

She rubs her eyes. She needs space. And food, her stomach reminds her. She hasn’t had anything to eat all day.

Carefully, she slips out from under Adora’s arm.

Melog lifts their head to regard Catra curiously. “Hey,” Catra whispers as she slips on a robe. “Gonna raid the kitchen.” And hopefully not run into anyone, she thinks. She’s sure she must reek of sex. At least Melog can turn her invisible.

These days, there isn’t much excess in Bright Moon’s kitchens. There is no stockpiling of resources like in the days before the Princess Alliance was reestablished, which Adora, Glimmer and Bow have told Catra about. Food goes where it’s most needed, and there are still settlements being rebuilt.

Settlements that Catra helped destroy.

She stops with her hand on the door to the pantry. Despite the work she’s done with Perfuma, the guilt still hits her sometimes; what she’s done can never be undone. No matter how hard she works to help rebuild, she can’t erase the pain she’s caused.

Catra leans forward, placing her forehead against the door. “Fuck,” she sighs.

Melog, obviously not even needing to sense her emotions to know something is wrong, gives her a curious look.

“You know,” Catra says. “It’s hard to believe things will get better.”

Melog meets Catra’s eyes and Perfuma’s words echo in her mind. “You feel guilty because you know what you did was wrong. It pains you that you can’t change it because you wish you had been better. But all you can do is be better _now_. Keep working; you’ll create beautiful things. You can’t ask more of yourself than that.”

Catra sniffles. “Right,” she says to Melog. “You were with me when she said that.” She rubs her eyes. “I...should talk to her about these nightmares.” Maybe tomorrow, she thinks, if Perfuma has the time. She did stand her up today, after all.

No use thinking about it now. The day’s been long enough, and all Catra wants is to get some food in her stomach and crawl back into bed.

She browses the pantry, hoping to find an apple or two, but something else catches her eye. Right in the middle of one of the shelves, there’s a plate already prepared: dried fish, a variety of berries from the Whispering Woods, and a slice of bread cut roughly into the shape of a cat head. Next to the plate is a note that reads, ‘Feel better,’ with amateurish sketches of Bow and Glimmer’s faces.

Catra’s eyes tear up. “Those fucking dorks,” she mutters with a smile.

* * *

“Oh, Catra,” Perfuma says with a deep sigh. “I wish you had mentioned these nightmares sooner.”

Catra idly pets Melog, unable to look Perfuma in the eye.

“But!” Perfuma says, clapping her hands together softly. “The important thing is you’re here now. Just, in the future, please know that you can tell me about these things. I’m here to help.”

“I know, I know,” Catra says. “I’m just...not used to asking for help.” She sighs. “I should be by now.”

“There’s nothing you _should_ or _shouldn’t_ be. Everyone works at their own pace. It’s okay to still have trouble opening up. Is that something you’d like to talk about today?”

A flash runs through Catra’s mind. She sees Adora’s eyes looking down at her, lips curved into a sly grin. “ _My little pet_ ,” the image whispers.

Catra clears her throat. “Uh, let’s just stick with the nightmares for now.”

From Perfuma’s gentle, knowing smile, Catra can tell that she definitely notices her discomfort, but she doesn’t push. “They’ve been really troubling you, haven’t they?”

Catra nods solemnly. “I...thought I was coping.”

“Did something change?”

Catra takes a deep breath. It’s painful to relive the strange experience she had yesterday––the feeling of being unable to completely wake up and then the panic attack that followed––but she does her best to describe what happened. Having Melog with her helps to keep her emotions steady. She can’t stop herself from crying a little, but the weight of her companion’s paws draped over her legs makes her feel protected, and so she manages to get through it without breaking down.

“It scared me so fucking bad,” she says. “I haven’t felt like that since... I mean, fuck, what happened to me?”

“It’s okay, Catra,” Perfuma says, offering a comforting hand to place on Catra’s. Catra accepts. “What you experienced is called sleep paralysis. It’s not all that uncommon.”

Catra looks up into Perfuma’s eyes. She grasps the back of her neck. “So...it’s not like, a chip thing?”

Perfuma smiles and shakes her head. “No. In your case... It sounds like you haven’t been sleeping well?”

“I...” Catra looks away. She slept _great_ last night, but she’s not about to get into that. “It’s hard to get to sleep when you’re uh...” She can’t figure out how to finish the sentence in a way that doesn’t sound completely pathetic. But then, isn’t that what Perfuma was saying about opening up? “I just... I know I’m going to have nightmares about...him. So, I lie awake, just feeling...afraid.”

Perfuma nods. “Stress and sleep deprivation can cause sleep paralysis.”

A chill runs through Catra. “Shit. You mean it could happen again?”

“It could. But if you maintain a regular sleep schedule and cope with your stress in healthy ways, it will be less likely. Are you practicing the meditation techniques I showed you?”

“Uhh...”

There’s a look on Perfuma’s face that Catra can’t help but interpret as disappointment, though it only lasts for a moment. Maybe she’s projecting. “Okay, well, we can go over them again if you’d like. Would it be helpful if I wrote some notes for you?”

“Um, yeah, that could help.” She doesn’t sound convincing at all and she knows it.

Perfuma gives her a stern look. Her eyes are filled with concern, but she clearly has decided some gentle nudging is in order. “Catra,” she says. “The only thing I can do is give you tools that I think will help you. It’s up to you to make use of them.”

Catra’s ears fall. “I know. Sorry.”

Perfuma smiles. “It’s okay. But if meditation isn’t working for you, let me know, okay? We can try something else.”

“I just feel weird doing it.”

“Well...” Perfuma puts a hand to her chin thoughtfully. “Would it help to have somewhere private to meditate?”

Catra tilts her head.

“I mean, I assume you and Adora share a room?”

She blushes. “Uh, yeah.”

“If you don’t feel comfortable meditating in front of her, having a space of your own might help you get past the self-consciousness of it. You could take a few minutes before bed, use the breathing technique I taught you, clear your mind, repeat some affirmations, and simply focus on being in the moment. Is there a place like that near your bedroom? Somewhere you feel like you could be in control?”

Catra’s blushing intensifies. “What, I can’t be in control in my own room?”

Perfuma blinks. “What?”

“What?”

Silence. Catra looks away.

After a moment, Perfuma ventures, “Is there...something else going on that you haven’t mentioned?”

“Uh, no. Nope.” She scratches the back of her head.

“Because it’s okay if there is. And it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but if there’s something else troubling you... I know you have a tendency to push down your feelings. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but if there’s a problem, it’s unhealthy to pretend it doesn’t exist. The first step is to admit it to yourself.”

“I know, okay?” Catra snaps. “Geeze. It’s not a big deal.”

A thought seems to strike Perfuma and she covers her mouth. “It’s not Adora, is it?” Catra’s eyes widen. “If you two are having problems, please, you really need to address them sooner rather than later. The longer you let things simmer––“

“It’s not! Adora and I are fine, we just...” Shit, Catra thinks. Stopped talking a second too late.

Perfuma cocks an eyebrow. “You just...?”

Catra lets out a long sigh. “We just did something...different. Last night.” Her face grows hotter. “In bed. And, I dunno, it was _good_ , but also I have uh, feelings, about it. And I’m not super comfortable talking about it so don’t even worry. It’s fine.”

It takes a moment for Catra to work up the courage to meet Perfuma’s gaze, and when she does, she can’t manage it for long. Perfuma doesn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as Catra feels and that kind of weirds her out. In fact, Perfuma looks relieved.

“Well, in that case, I’m just glad things are okay. I was worried you two might have had an argument. I know Adora is such an important part of your support network.” She thinks for a moment. “Have you talked to her about these feelings?”

“Huh? Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine.” She hadn’t. When Adora tried to bring it up this morning, Catra quickly redirected the conversation to rescheduling her appointment with Perfuma.

“Good,” Perfuma says, though there’s doubt on her face. “Because it’s important to communicate clearly about these matters. If there’s something you’re uncertain about, Adora is the best person to talk to.”

Catra is still blushing, still can’t look Perfuma in the eye.

“Well,” Perfuma says. “I understand you’re not comfortable talking about this with me. That’s okay. It’s something very personal and I won’t pry. But just so you know, I’m of the opinion that sexual health is incredibly important, and I think of myself as being pretty open-minded about what that entails. I won’t judge, so if you decide you want to talk or have any questions––”

“Uh, nope, all good here,” Catra says. She gets to her feet. “Anyway, I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for the pep talk, Petals.”

Perfuma doesn’t even try to contain a sigh. “Whatever this is, Catra...don’t run from it. Talk to Adora. Your feelings are important. Okay?”

“Yeah yeah. Uh, same time next week? Okay. Gotta go.”

As Catra’s flight instinct kicks in, Perfuma calls after her, “And remember to meditate!”


	7. Chapter 7

No amount of rehearsing in her head can prepare Catra to see Adora again. It’s all she thinks about for the entire trip back to Bright Moon, yet she knows it’s useless. The best she can do is steel herself to not turn to putty under the gaze of those deep blue eyes.

When she and Melog get to their room, however, Adora is nowhere to be found. Catra releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

“Fuck, Melog,” she says, collapsing back first, arms spread, onto the bed. “What am I gonna do about this?”

When was the last time she got nervous around Adora? There was an adjustment period when they first started dating, but the change in their relationship wasn’t the only thing to adjust to back then. Compared to everything else, it was easy to fall into Adora’s arms and laugh or cry or trade playful insults. It had been much harder to adjust to the idea of not having to fight anymore, not needing to be on guard constantly. And then of course there was knowing that Shadow Weaver wouldn’t be around anymore, scheming and undermining everyone. Sometimes Catra still can’t believe she’s really gone.

Shadow Weaver... If only she could see Catra now and know how weak she truly is, unable to even have a simple conversation about her feelings. And with Adora of all people. Catra can practically hear Shadow Weaver’s laughter. “I always told you,” she would say. “You’re nothing but a distraction to Adora. A liability. Even now––”

On impulse, Catra grabs a pillow and buries her face. “Shut the _fuck up!_ ” she shouts into it.

“Catra?”

She bolts upright, ears perked up, and lets the pillow fall onto her lap. “Um,” she says. “Hey, Ador––”

Her breath catches when she sees Adora standing in the doorway, clad in a midriff-exposing white top and black shorts, wearing her long hair tied up. She wipes beads of sweat off her forehead with a towel draped over her shoulders.

It’s all too much for Catra, and she’s immediately glad she’s sitting down because her knees absolutely would give out on her.

Thankfully, Adora doesn’t seem to notice, or she’s focused on what she saw Catra in the middle of. “Are you okay?” she asks as Melog rubs up against her leg; she gives them a pat on the head as they leave the room, apparently sensing Catra’s desire to be alone with her girlfriend.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Catra says. It’s an automatic response, and one Adora knows to question. Catra sighs. “I was just...thinking about Shadow Weaver.” She can at least be honest about that. It’s a conversation they both know well.

“Oh...” Adora throws her towel aside as she moves to sit next to Catra. She wraps an arm around her and pulls her close.

Catra blushes. “Now my fur’s gonna smell like sweat.”

“Uh, sorry,” Adora says, pulling away.

Catra smirks. “I didn’t say stop.”

“Right. Yeah. I guess not!”

Adora laughs awkwardly, and Catra can’t help but feel warm inside. The mood is so different from earlier, when Catra couldn’t bring herself to talk about what happened the night before. She breathes a sigh of relief at the familiarity.

“Anything you wanna talk about?” Adora asks as she pulls Catra back in. “How did things go with Perfuma today?”

Catra tenses up. So much for avoiding that subject.

“Not good?” Adora asks.

“No, things went fine. I uh, talked to her about my nightmares, and about that...weird thing that happened when I couldn’t wake up yesterday. Apparently it’s called sleep paralysis. She said I should meditate.” She scoffs. “Should’ve known. That’s her solution to everything.”

“Have you tried? I meditate sometimes.”

Catra looks up at Adora in surprise. “Wait, what? When? I’ve never seen you meditate.”

“Yeah, uh, I feel kind of weird doing it in front of other people.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “But, y’know, sometimes on my walks, I’ll practice some of the things she’s told me. Being aware of the moment, focusing on specific things. And any time I train alone, I sit down for a bit first to clear my head, breathe like she’s taught me. She said having a place where I feel in control can help and I guess the training room is that place. Uh, I dunno, it’s hard to explain.”

Catra stares with her mouth slightly agape. “That’s... Huh. She...told me I should be doing pretty much the same thing.”

Adora chuckles. “Well, I’m not surprised. It’s working for me, at least, so I guess I can recommend it!”

Catra considers this for a few moments. Her fingers grip a little tighter around Adora’s arm and shoulder. “You know,” she says. “We haven’t really been talking about how you’re doing.”

Adora shrugs. “I’m doing fine. I mean, come on, look at all you’ve been dealing with. The day you had yesterday? Of course we’re talking about you.”

Yeah, Catra thinks. It makes sense. But still, a feeling nags at her. She knew Adora had seen Perfuma a few times to talk about her own problems––after all, almost dying to save the universe is the kind of thing that would leave you with some––but when was the last time the two of them talked about how Adora’s been coping?

Catra frees herself from her lover’s embrace. “Adora,” she says. “Don’t, uh...” Her ears lower as a feeling of self-consciousness suddenly sweeps over her. “Okay, I know this is gonna sound weird and I’m not good at the whole mental health thing, but don’t like, neglect yourself just because I’m not okay. Seriously, I know what you’re like. You always feel like you need to fix everything.”

“I’m not neglecting myself,” Adora says, not looking Catra in the eye. “I train and I meditate and that helps. I guess I just...don’t feel like there’s much for me to talk about.” She takes Catra’s hand. “So it’s okay to focus on you, got it? Don’t worry about me.”

Catra narrows her eyes, pulls her hand away, and flicks Adora in the forehead.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a dumbass. You’re not made of stone, Adora. And I’m not made of glass.” She sighs. “If you’re in pain, _talk to me_. This goes both ways, got it? We look out for _each other_. We’ve...” She blushes. “We’ve always been strongest that way.”

Adora rubs her forehead and meets Catra’s gaze with dreamy eyes. A sweet smile works its way across her lips. “Yeah. You’re right. Sorry, I just... I guess I still haven’t gotten used to uh...” She looks away.

Catra perks an eyebrow. “Go on.”

“I’m...not sure I know how to explain it. It’s like you said, I just want to fix everything. But I think there’s something more to it than that. We don’t have to fight anymore; Etheria doesn’t need She-Ra to defend it. But I still _am_ She-Ra. She’s right here––” Adora clutches a hand to her heart. “And I guess...it’s hard sometimes to not feel like I still have that responsibility. To everyone, but especially to you.”

“Adora...” Catra smiles sadly. She puts a soft hand on Adora’s cheek. “You’re such an idiot. I didn’t fall in love with She-Ra. And I’ve never asked you to fix me.”

The moment hangs between them, full of promise and so many things still unsaid. Adora looks into Catra’s eyes, her lips slightly parted, seemingly at a loss for words. Something in that gaze inspires Catra; her smile broadens and she shifts from her spot on the bed to Adora’s lap, wrapping her legs around her lover’s back.

Her thoughts drift to the previous day, when she let herself be so completely vulnerable, and the only thing that mattered to her was being a good little pet, allowing Adora to sooth and comfort her. Now she finds the roles reversed. Her pulse beats in her chest and in her loins. She wonders if this is how Adora felt then, overcome with an aching need to say everything she can’t say with words, to take the hand of the woman she loves and show her how beautiful and worthy she is.

Not to mention that one-upping Adora has always been a favourite hobby of Catra’s. She can’t help but smirk a bit.

“Catra,” Adora says in a near whisper, her face flushed, eyes hazy. “I’m not...trying to fix you. I don’t think you’re broken.”

Catra chuckles. “Still trying to keep this about me?” She wraps her arms around Adora’s neck and leans in, lips inches away from hers. “You really need to learn when to shut up.”

But Catra knows Adora well enough by now to know that kissing her won’t shut her up; in fact, it will have the exact opposite effect. And as their lips meet and the first glorious moans reach Catra’s ears, she decides that suits her just fine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about the delay on this chapter! I struggled with it a lot these last couple weeks, but I'm finally satisfied with it. I hope you all enjoy it! <3

Catra’s heart pounds against her chest as she pushes Adora down onto the mattress. She sits upright, straddling Adora’s waist, and makes quick work of discarding her shirt before leaning down and gripping Adora’s face with both hands. She lets her fingers slide back and intertwine in her hair as she takes her in a forceful kiss.

Topping Adora should be familiar territory, but still, Catra breathes heavy, barely keeping control of herself. Every groan of pleasure that escapes Adora’s lips fills her with desire for more. She forces her tongue into Adora’s mouth seemingly before Adora has fully processed what’s happening; the move is still welcomed by parting lips and an intense moan.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Catra knows she ought to slow down, make Adora beg like Adora did to her. But those moans are too intoxicating. How did Adora make it look so effortless, staying in control the way she did and driving Catra absolutely wild?

No, “wild” isn’t the right word. What she did made Catra pliant. Filled with desperate need, but not wild. She forced Catra to exercise self-control, which Catra realizes in retrospect is a pretty amazing accomplishment. The thought causes a smile to tug at her lips as she enjoys the feeling of Adora’s tongue dancing with hers.

Adora breaks the kiss, pulls back, breaks the kiss and flashes a smile. “Something funny?”

Catra looks down at Adora with a dumbstruck look. Adora just grins playfully, and something flutters inside Catra that definitely doesn’t match the role she’s trying to play. “Just your stupid face,” she says, and immediately regrets it as Adora laughs. She blushes and shyly looks away.

This isn’t how it should be, she thinks. _Adora_ should be the one blushing, not looking up with a smug smile that makes Catra want to melt. Catra tries to keep herself from pouting. How can she get things back on track?

“Fine,” she says, gazing down with half-lidded eyes that she hopes communicate displeasure. “If you’re going to be a brat, I have ways to keep you quiet.”

Adora laughs. It’s not the response Catra was going for. “When have you ever been able to shut me up? Or is this something new? I haven’t seen any ball gags lying around.”

The thought makes Catra’s face burn. “J-just...” It’s embarrassing to stammer out a response when _she’s_ supposed to be the one in charge, but it’s better than saying nothing. “Help me get these off.” She tugs at the waistband of her pants. “And I’ll show you how effective my methods can be.” She forces a seductive smirk, but her heart really isn’t in it. Images fill her head of Adora standing over her, a gag hanging loosely in her palm as she puts it on display, before leaning down and...

She doesn’t let the fantasy go any further. Internally, she chides herself. How is Adora still projecting power in such a vulnerable position? And how can Catra take control of things?

As Adora gets to work sliding off Catra’s pants and underwear, Catra unhooks her bra and decides: she’ll get through this with spite and stubbornness, the same way she’s always done everything.

Now fully naked, she hooks a finger under Adora’s sweat-soaked shirt and smiles slyly. “You’ll want to get rid of this,” she says. “Cuz once I get settled, I don’t plan on moving.”

Adora gulps and laughs nervously, much to Catra’s amusement. Her heart rate hasn’t slowed any, but as Adora sheepishly pulls the half-shirt over her head, Catra starts to think she might be able to do this after all.

“So uh,” Adora says. “You’re gonna have to move if you want my pants off too.”

“Pants are optional,” Catra says, trying to look nonchalant as her gaze lingers on the shirt now discarded beside her. When she turns her eyes back on Adora, she bears her fangs in a wicked grin. “However you plan to get yourself off is fine with me.” She lowers one hand down to the mattress, next to Adora’s head. The other, she plants a bit further up. Finally, she arches her back and lifts her ass into the air, making sure to let her tail dance in Adora’s view. The look on her lover’s face says it all as she prowls up her body, stalking her prey. Inside, she can barely contain her excitement, and she bites her lip to keep herself from trembling.

Once she reaches Adora’s shoulders, she sits upright and pulls out her hair tie, basking in the feeling of Adora’s eyes on her as she shakes out her mane. This is hardly new territory for the two of them, but luxuriating in Adora’s lustful gaze still fills Catra with confidence, and it’s a feeling she’s badly needed lately.

“Catra...” Adora says softly. “Let me taste you.”

Catra’s breath hitches, but she holds herself together. She gazes down at Adora with what she hopes is a look of power before silently moving into place, enveloping Adora with her thighs and lowering her hot sex onto her lover’s waiting mouth.

Adora lets out a satisfied moan as her lips meet Catra’s, and she wraps her hands over the top of Catra’s thighs, twining her fingers through their fur. “Oh fuck,” Catra exhales. It’s agonizingly slow at first as Adora skates her tongue slowly over the length of Catra’s pussy, carefully avoiding contact with her clit. With a purr rumbling inside her, Catra steadies herself by sliding her fingers through Adora’s hair and holding tight. Adora, hardly in a position to speak, can only gasp wonderfully at Catra’s touch.

Catra laughs. She can’t help it. It’s been too long since she’s ridden Adora’s face like this. “That’s it, babe,” she says. “Keep going.”

The encouragement probably isn’t necessary. Adora’s already captured one of Catra’s folds between her lips and runs her tongue along it. She switches to the other to mirror the move, then presses her tongue lightly along the center. She teases and kisses and draws circles with her tongue, and when she finally flicks Catra’s pulsing clit, Catra barely manages to stay upright. “ _Fuck_ ,” she gasps. “More...”

Adora giggles into Catra’s pussy and looks up to meet her girlfriend’s eyes. The sight causes Catra’s face to flush. She hopes Adora doesn’t notice.

But when Adora draws her tongue ever so lightly along the length of her hard clit, the shudder that runs through Catra shatters her cool entirely. She falls forward and catches herself by slamming her free hand on the mattress next to Adora’s head. “Holy shit,” she breathes.

Adora taps Catra on the thigh: their signal for Catra to move so she can talk. “You’re doing great, love,” she says. “You taste so good.”

Catra nods.

“You wanna stop?”

 _No fucking way_ , she doesn’t say. Instead, she puts on her best cocky smirk. “Did I say stop?”

Adora returns the smile and pulls Catra back down.

Out of sheer stubbornness, Catra forces herself to sit upright again, but she knows she’s putting on a false front. This might have been her idea, but she doesn’t feel like the one in control. With each shiver of pure pleasure that runs through her, her head gets more and more foggy. She starts to get lost in the sensations of ecstasy and it’s so tempting to give in entirely. And why not? This isn’t how she wanted to feel, but it’s _good_. And it’s safe.

“Adora...” she says, barely a whisper, eyes shut tight. Then without thinking through what it means for their respective roles, Catra grabs her own breast with her free hand and feels herself, pinches her nipple, bites her lower lip, all to put on a show for Adora. The low groan from the woman beneath her tells her it’s had the intended effect.

Then Catra feels Adora’s hands stroke along her thighs and grip her ass, and the feeling of being possessed in such a way, while Adora continues to eat her out, draws a whimper from her throat. Not good, she thinks. She’s not asserting control and she honestly doesn’t even know how. Not when her instincts are screaming at her to just give in and enjoy the ride.

Adora’s hands keep moving, and Catra feels any semblance of control slipping further beyond her grasp as the fingertips of one of Adora’s hands grace the small of her back, a spot Catra is quickly learning makes her feel very vulnerable to be touched. She isn’t sure at first where Adora’s other hand has gone, but as Adora begins to moan with renewed vigour, it hits her: Adora’s getting herself off, as instructed. Catra finally dares to open her eyes and sees the deep blue gaze of her lover in an expression of aching pleasure. She smiles a bit despite herself. If she’s having this effect on Adora, maybe it’s not so bad.

Finally, Adora is done teasing. She sucks Catra’s clit between her lips and Catra can do nothing but cry out in delight. “ _Fuck_ , yes,” she says. “That’s so fucking good, Adora.”

She knows she’s done for. A few forceful flicks of Adora’s tongue and Catra comes undone, letting go of her tits and Adora’s hair to hold herself up with both hands on the bed as she rides out her climax, mewling and moaning and repeating “Yes, oh fuck yes,” as Adora dutifully laps up her fluids.

When she is well and truly spent, she tries her best to gracefully dismount, but on rubbery legs, she can only flop down next to Adora and roll onto her back. Adora laughs and it’s such a beautiful sound, Catra doesn’t even care enough to feel embarrassed.

But Adora is still working on her own orgasm, and she deserves a helping hand. Catra rolls onto her side and carefully slides her fingers into Adora’s pants and on top of her hand. Adora stops briefly to turn and meet Catra’s eyes. Without a word, their lips meet, and as Catra enjoys her own taste in her lover’s mouth, the two of them move their fingers together, between Adora’s folds and inside. Catra circles her thumb around Adora’s clit, revelling in the vibrations caused by her purring and Adora’s increasingly desperate moans until finally, Adora can take no more and breaks the kiss to cry out as she comes on both of their hands.

Exhausted, Adora closes her eyes, and Catra shamelessly watches the rapid rising and falling of her chest as she tries to catch her breath. “Holy shit,” Adora manages to say. “That was so...”

Before she can finish the thought, Catra grips her hand and brings it to her mouth. She knows she shouldn’t, but by now, her will is well and truly spent, and all she wants is to take care of Adora. And so she closes her eyes, wraps her lips around Adora’s slick fingers and reverently cleans them.

When she’s done, she opens her eyes to see Adora’s face in an expression of bewilderment. She answers with a bittersweet smile, feeling tears well up.

“Catra, are you...?”

It hits her so fast. As good as the sex was, Catra couldn’t keep hold of the power she wanted. She wraps her arms around Adora and buries her face in her shoulder. “I fucked up,” she says. “I didn’t do good.”

“What? You were amazing.”

She shakes her head. “I wanted...” She doesn’t finish the thought. She only grips Adora harder and sobs.

Adora holds her, soothes her, tells her how wonderful she is and that she didn’t do anything wrong. Exhaustion eventually overtakes her, and she doesn’t manage to say what she wanted before she falls asleep.

_I wanted to feel strong. And I wanted to make you feel safe. Like you did for me._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: This chapter contains brief descriptions of blood and violence.

The next day, Catra stands in attention alongside Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio. There’s no sign of Adora. If she doesn’t get here soon, Shadow Weaver will...

It’s too late. There she is, all black tendrils and billowing red fabric. Shit.

Her husky voice booms throughout the room. “ _Where is Adora?_ ” She addresses all of the cadets, but Catra knows who she’s really speaking to. When the eyes behind the mask fall on Catra, they linger a moment longer than they do on anyone else.

It takes Catra a moment to find her voice. “I-I’ll...I’ll find her.”

She dashes away before Shadow Weaver can respond. Without realizing it, she’s soon broken into a run.

Adora. She must still be in her bunk. Yeah, she overslept. Where else would she be?

Unless...after last night...after Catra failed to take care of her...

“I know the truth, Catra.” _Fuck_ , how did Shadow Weaver catch up? “You know it, too. You’re the reason she left.”

“No!” Catra yells. She takes a swipe at where she thinks Shadow Weaver is, but she can’t find her. She suddenly realizes the room is way too dark. When did that happen?

She looks at her hand. At first, she thinks it’s too dark to see. But no, something comes into focus... It’s a different kind of blackness. Something grim and crackling. And it’s on her.

And then it’s not just on her, it’s all around her, splitting into the fabric of reality itself. The ground shakes beneath her feet. The whole world is coming apart.

She picks a direction and runs.

“Adora!” She yells her lover’s name at the top of her lungs. “Where are you?”

The halls she runs through all start to look the same. That strange darkness becomes interspersed with columns of pure white. It’s too chaotic for Catra to make any sense out of it. How can she possibly find Adora here?

So she stops running, and as soon as she does, she hears his voice.

“Poor, lost little sister...”

Her heart hammers against her ribcage. “No...”

Things come into focus around her, darkness giving way to endless white and gray corridors.

“Look at what she’s done to you.”

She does. She can’t help it. She stares at the pure darkness on her skin, at the white cracks at its edges. She puts a hand to her face and it’s _cold_.

“She’s hurt you so much. Broken you. Let me make you whole again.”

She wants to scream. She wants to fling herself at that bastard and tear his throat out. But her feet won’t move. She can’t even turn to face him.

“Adora...” she says. “Where...?”

“Why do you long for her still? She makes you _weak_.”

“I... I tried to be strong for her.”

“Hmph.” A different voice. No, not her too. “Adora has always been the strong one,” Shadow Weaver says. “You know that. What could you possibly do for her?”

Catra grits her teeth and holds her eyes shut. “Stop it... You don’t know...”

“You’ll drive her away again.”

“Shut up! Fuck you!”

She finally manages to move, spinning around with claws fully extended. But she doesn’t connect with Shadow Weaver, nor with Horde Prime. Instead...

Adora lies on the floor, face down, bleeding badly from three deep wounds to the back.

Catra looks down at herself. The darkness is gone, and she’s wearing the white and grays of Prime, splattered with Adora’s blood.

“Adora, no!” She falls to her knees, staring at the blood on her hands. “No. Not this. Not again. This can’t be real. It can’t...”

As she says it, she remembers. This is how Adora got the scars on her back, the ones that made Catra fall apart the first time she saw them. And the longer the two of them spent together, the more of Adora’s scars Catra noticed. Small ones, some from their childhood, some more recent. Some given to her by Catra, others not. She’s talked about it with Adora, with Perfuma, with Bow and Glimmer. She’s confessed her guilt to Melog and worked hard to learn to live with it.

But if all of that happened, Adora couldn’t be here now, could she?

As the memories come back to her, Catra finds herself unmoored. Adora’s prone body is gone, and so are the halls of Prime’s flagship. She knows she’s not supposed to be here, so where _is_ she supposed to be?

She can feel herself stirring. She could wake herself up if only she knew where she was. But as reality crackles around her, she can’t find anything to grab hold of. She sees herself sleeping at the foot of Adora’s bunk in the Fright Zone. Then she’s fighting Adora in the Crimson Wastes, then fucking her on Mara’s ship.

Then she’s watching her die at the Heart of Etheria. The green tendrils of Prime creep around them, threatening to pull Catra back from whatever state of half-sleep she’s in and force her to experience more of this.

She does the only thing she can think to do. She calls for Adora.

She can hear herself, but she can’t feel her body move. She calls again. She sees her reflection beneath her, showing slicked-back hair, green eyes and a placid face. She screams.

“Catra?”

There’s a hand on her shoulder, and in an instant, it’s over. Catra bolts upright. The room is dark but she recognizes it immediately. There’s the faint red glow from Melog, and beside her...

She collapses into Adora’s arms and sobs.

* * *

Over the next few days, Catra tries to carry on as best she can. She resists Adora’s invitations to talk about her nightmare, and she only gives vague answers when asked why she was upset after their last time having sex. She says she was just emotional and she saw things going differently, but when asked for clarification, she dodges the question. “Can we talk about this later?” she says. But later never comes.

At the weekly meeting to discuss Bright Moon’s part in the rebuilding and relief efforts, Catra shows up late. That might have been typical of Catra in the past, but not since the end of the war. After that, the weight of responsibility was too great, and Catra dedicated herself wholeheartedly to helping in any way she could. But now, she needs the time alone to get her anxiety under control. Every person in that meeting room has seen her strength slipping from her, and Catra starts to dread facing them.

She even starts to distance herself from Adora, spending more time in the Whispering Woods, ostensibly doing recon with Melog to make sure the dangerous creatures there aren’t getting too close to any settlements. But that’s just an excuse; she knows it and she’s sure Adora does too.

It’s on one of these outings that Catra finds herself hiding behind some brush on a cliff, overlooking a clearing, where she watches a small group of fox-like creatures, seemingly made of plantlife. It’s a type of creature she’s never seen before, maybe something new that was created by the influx of magic in Etheria at the end of the war. They don’t seem to be dangerous – in fact, it’s probably a waste of time to monitor them – but Catra’s been walking for hours and could use the break.

“Weird little things,” Catra says. She sits with one knee propped up and turns to look at Melog. “What do you think they eat?”

Melog stares inscrutably.

“I mean, they’re kinda like animals and kinda like plants. Animals eat animals, but do plants eat plants?” She thinks for a second. “I guess that’s what compost is? I bet Perfuma would know.”

This is what their outings in the Whispering Woods have been like lately. Usually, Melog doesn’t have to push to get Catra to open up to them. In fact, Catra was relying on their patience to continue to avoid confronting her feelings.

But now, Melog is keeping their distance, not looking at the plant-foxes Catra is so keen to talk about. They only stare into Catra’s eyes, silently.

“Come on, Melog.” Catra pats the ground next to her. “Let’s just chill and watch these weird monsters. I’ll give you scritches.”

But Melog doesn’t budge.

Catra sighs. “Fine, be like that.” She turns her head to keep watching the foxes.

Minutes pass. Two of the smaller foxes start wrestling with each other. It would be cute, but it’s hard to focus when she can feel Melog’s eyes still on her.

She turns suddenly and slams her fist into the ground. “What do you want me to say?” she says a little too loudly. Below, the foxes flee into the trees.

Melog just watches, stoic as ever.

“Look,” Catra says. “I’m not gonna talk about sex with Perfuma and I’m definitely not gonna talk about it with you, so just...forget it, okay?”

Melog doesn’t need to say anything for Catra to know she’s deflecting.

“Why can’t we just get away from it all for a bit? We’re doing something useful, something we’re _good_ at. We just have to watch what weird shit happens out here and not get seen, which is pretty easy to do when we can literally be invisible. Even I can’t fuck this up.”

Melog lowers their head.

Catra looks back at the clearing. “I guess I already did, didn’t I. Is that what you want me to say? That I’m tired of fucking up? That I’m tired of being weak? A failure?” With tears in her eyes, she looks back to her companion. “That I’m everything Shadow Weaver always said I am and I hate it?”

At that, Melog approaches and nuzzles their face into Catra’s arm. She can feel through their psychic connection that Melog doesn’t think she’s a failure. But there’s also a feeling of being chided, like being out here in the middle of nowhere isn’t where she should be right now, and it isn’t where she should be saying these things.

Catra pets Melog on the head. “Yeah... I’m just running away out here. I know I am. It’s what I know how to do.” She chuckles sardonically. “Perfuma would be disappointed.”

She could talk to Perfuma. Melog tells her as much. But there’s someone else who needs to hear this.

“I can’t talk to Adora yet,” Catra says meekly. “What could I say? I...I know we talked some things through the other night. I know she’s hurting too. But that’s just it. I...” The tears start to flow freely. Catra chokes out the words. “I can’t do for her what she does for me. I’m not strong enough.”

Catra holds Melog close, grits her teeth and lets herself cry. Melog leans their head against Catra and lets her know it’s okay to feel this way, and that they’re proud of her for opening up.

But then both Melog and Catra’s ears flick up. There’s something in the distance.

“Okay, crying in the middle of a forest of monsters isn’t a good idea. Let’s get back home.”

* * *

The trip back is uneventful. On the way, Catra has plenty of time to think things through. She’s going to have to say _something_ to Adora, but she doesn’t know what. She needs more time. Maybe talking to Perfuma first wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but opening up about her and Adora’s sex life still isn’t something she wants to do.

How did this all start, she wonders. Maybe neither she nor Adora were the perfect models of mental health, but at least things between the sheets had been good. How did Catra ruin that too? How could she let her trauma get in the way of their relationship again?

As the gates of Bright Moon come into view, she’s no closer to figuring out what to say. She thinks about sneaking back inside and finding somewhere to brood for a while, but no, she’s done enough running. She’ll find Adora and––

“Welcome back, Lady Catra,” one of the guards says.

“Uh, hey.” Catra doesn’t break her gait.

“You have a visitor waiting for you in the lobby.”

“Great.” Not what Catra needs right now. “Who is it?”

The sound of her voice must have carried. A large, imposing figure rounds the corner.

“There you are!”

Catra has no time to process what’s happening. Before she knows it, Scorpia is on her and has collected her in an enormous hug.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: This chapter contains discussion of suicidal ideation and brief descriptions of self harm.

Catra finds herself all the way off the ground, feet dangling uselessly, cheek-to-cheek in an inescapable hug.

“Wildcat!” Scorpia says. “It’s been such a long time!”

Catra squirms, manages to get a hand free and pushes against her captor. “We were at your ball like a month ago!”

“Yeah, and we haven’t seen each other since then! How’ve you been? Gosh, it’s good to see you. I’ve been so worried. Ever since Perfuma told me you were having problems I’ve been trying to find the time to––”

“Perfuma said _what_?”

Below Catra, Melog shifts from being vaguely wary of Scorpia to standing defensively and snarling.

Taking the hint, Scorpia sets Catra back down. “Oh, I mean, she uh... I can explain.” She looks around and notices the stares from the guards.

Catra notices too. Absolutely fuming, she grabs Scorpia by the wrist and leads her further into the palace. “We’re not doing this here,” she says. Melog follows, still glowing red and staring down Scorpia. When Catra realizes, she stops and takes a breath. “It’s okay, Melog,” she says. “We just...need to talk.”

With the reassurance, Melog calms down and wanders off with only a little hesitation.

A few minutes later, Catra has led Scorpia to the balcony outside of the palace’s ballroom.

“No one should bother us here,” Catra says as she sits on the railing.

Scorpia, trying to copy Catra’s mannerisms, leans against the railing and crosses her arms. Somewhere, a stone shifts. She opts to stand.

“So, you look good,” Scorpia says, even though the fur on Catra’s face is matted and she’s been sweating from travel. “Still rocking the ponytail. Was your hair that long last time I saw you?”

“Again, it’s only been a month.” Catra sighs. She knows Scorpia must be uncomfortable. The same feeling is in the air now as in their days back in the Horde, when Catra would yell at Scorpia for something that wasn’t her fault. Scorpia’s shoulders are tense and she’s having trouble maintaining eye contact. She’s being overly friendly to try to put Catra at ease, even though her rambling has always had the opposite effect.

This is why Catra hates seeing Scorpia. Every time they’re together, Catra has no choice but to confront her past. It might have been easy for Scorpia to forgive her when the war ended; she’s the type of person who would earnestly want to forgive Catra and wouldn’t overthink it, especially in the moment when everyone’s emotions were high. But in the time since then, any time they’ve seen each other, the spectre of Catra’s abuse has hung over them.

And Catra is under no illusions that what she did to Scorpia was anything other than abuse. It took Catra months after she started therapy with Perfuma to broach the subject, and even Perfuma’s patience and attempts at remaining unbiased haven’t made Catra more comfortable spending time with Scorpia. She still sees the hurt and fear in her eyes. Every time she raises her voice, Scorpia flinches.

Seconds pass awkwardly between them. Finally, Catra is the first to speak. “I’m not mad at you,” she says. “Just...I want you to know that.”

Scorpia nods. “You’re mad at Perfuma?”

Catra looks away. “Look, I know she’s your wife, but she promised me she wouldn’t share anything we talked about. Not even with you.”

“Catra, I swear, she didn’t give me any details. And she wouldn’t have said anything at all if I hadn’t...” She tries to find the words. “The other day, she came home and I could tell her mind was somewhere else. I asked her what was wrong, she said it was nothing, I kept asking and uh, eventually she said one of her clients was having problems and she was worried. And I know you’re one of her clients so I asked if it was you, and she said no but...I know her.”

Catra keeps her eyes on the floor. “Right. I...guess it would be pretty obvious, huh?”

“I’m sorry, maybe I should have sent word ahead, asked you if it was okay to stop by.”

Catra smiles sadly. “If you did that, I would have said no.” She forces herself to meet Scorpia’s eyes. “But it’s okay. I don’t mind that you’re here.”

Scorpia flashes a huge grin, then her face fades back to a more solemn expression. “So, talk to me, Wildcat. What’s going on?”

Where to start? Catra’s instinct is to close herself off, to say she’s got things under control, but even she can’t bring herself to tell such an obvious lie. But she still deflects. She can’t help herself.

“Not that I don’t appreciate you asking,” she says. “But...Scorpia, you have a kingdom to run. You don’t need me to burden you with my problems on top of everything else you’ve got going on.”

Scorpia steps forward and places a claw on each of Catra’s shoulders, holding her so she can meet her eyes. “Catra. You are not a burden. You’re my friend and I care about you. And Perfuma really should have given you the ‘burden’ talk already. I know because I got the same talk.”

Catra freezes. She knew Scorpia must talk to Perfuma about her own problems, but actually hearing it from her makes it more real. “I uh...” she stammers. “Y-yeah. Yeah, she did.” She dreads to think what Scorpia must have said to Perfuma about her.

“So you know it’s all right to reach out to your friends when you’re not okay. That’s what friends are for.” Scorpia lets go of Catra and steps back to a less charged distance. “Friends have each other’s backs. Let me have yours.”

Catra takes a second to collect her thoughts. She takes a deep breath. “Okay.” After all she’s done to Scorpia, how could she refuse?

And so she talks. She talks about her nightmares, where she sees Horde Prime and Shadow Weaver, and where she relives what was done to her, and what she’s done to others. She talks about how the nightmares started on the mission to restore magic to the other worlds. How she would have them every so often since then, more and more frequently. She talks about her panic attacks and flashbacks and sleep paralysis. How increasingly, she struggles to keep her stress and anxiety under control, and how now she’s not even talking to Adora about it.

Scorpia listens mostly in silence, giving encouragement when it’s needed, but just letting Catra get the words out. And as Catra does, she eventually moves off the railing and sits on the floor with her knees drawn up, and Scorpia moves to sit beside her. By the end of it, Catra is crying, and Scorpia is holding her tight.

For a while, neither of them knows what to say. Catra’s tears eventually dry up and she feels relief wash over her for getting it all off her chest. But there’s still a knot of anxiety in her gut; she hasn’t talked about how her troubles have extended to the bedroom, and Scorpia of all people is not someone she can admit that to.

“I, uh,” Scorpia says. “I...have them too, you know. Nightmares.”

Catra looks up at her with reddened eyes. “Yeah?”

“I did bad things in the Horde too. I hurt people. We all did.”

“Yeah...”

“And...I see him too sometimes. Horde Prime.”

Catra stares in bewilderment. “Right... You too. You were...”

Scorpia chuckles humourlessly. “Did you forget?”

“No, of course not! I just... It feels different to me.”

“I mean... Have you talked to anyone else he chipped?”

Catra shakes her head. “Spinnerella brought it up one time, but uh...I didn’t want to talk about it.”

Scorpia smiles a little, probably to try and soften the scolding. “Then how could you know if it’s different?”

Catra hugs her knees, overcome with shame.

“Hey, I’m being serious,” Scorpia says. “Don’t close me out now. If you feel like what you went through is different enough that you can’t relate, maybe figuring out why will help.”

Catra lets out a weak laugh. “You’re picking up on Perfuma’s tricks.”

Scorpia awkwardly ruffles Catra’s hair with one of her claws. “She’s good at what she does.”

“Okay,” Catra sighs. “I guess it’s like... What he did to you and Spinnerella and everyone else. He was trying to conquer Etheria. The way he went about it was sick, putting you all through that. But it wasn’t personal.” She meets Scorpia’s gaze, her own eyes filled with terror. “He... He wasn’t just using me to get to Adora. That was just part of it. But...he was so angry. After I helped Glimmer escape...he wanted me to suffer. I thought––” Her voice cracks. Tears well up in her eyes again. “Scorpia. You have to promise me something. Do _not_ tell Perfuma I said this.”

Scorpia returns her arm to its place around Catra’s shoulders. “Tell her what?”

“Just promise me. I’ve only told Adora this and...no one else can know.”

“She’s your therapist, Cat––”

“Not even her. Please.”

A moment passes as Scorpia appears to think it over. Finally, she nods. “I promise,” she practically whispers.

I can do this, Catra thinks. A slow breath in through her nose. A slow breath out through her mouth. “I thought,” she says, keeping her voice low, “that freeing Glimmer would be the last thing I ever did. I went through my entire life without ever making one good decision. Without ever doing one good thing. That includes letting Glimmer stay a prisoner on that ship while I... I tried to make myself useful to him. Tried to make him think, as long as I had value to him, he couldn’t kill me. So, when I turned on him, I was so sure he would. I helped Glimmer escape _knowing_ it would cost me my life. And I was okay with that. All I’d ever done was fuck things up and hurt people. I hurt Adora. I hurt _you_. So, for me to die out there...it wouldn’t have been any big loss.”

“Oh, Catra...”

Catra squeezes her eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears. “And I wasn’t just okay with dying. I thought, that’s how it should be. I’d never done anything good for anyone and I could never make things right. So...I could at least do one good thing. And then I would die, like I deserved, and I could never hurt anyone again.”

“Catra, no.” Scorpia holds her so tight it gets hard for Catra to breathe. But she doesn’t complain.

“Prime knew Adora would come for me,” she says, her voice raspy. “I...never let myself think she would. I didn’t think I deserved to be saved. I thought Adora shouldn’t come for me. I didn’t _want_ her to come. And then...” She grasps the back of her neck and chokes out a sob. “He put that _thing_ on me. Stripped me of everything I was. He cut my hair, made me dress like him. Tried putting the thought in my head over and over that he had _healed_ me, tried to make me believe he was making me whole. And obviously I didn’t fucking believe him, but he didn’t care. He just...” She grits her teeth. “He wanted to make me suffer for helping Glimmer, use me as bait to get to Adora, and then...eventually, he’d break me. He’d make me think...think like...”

Scorpia lets go of Catra to look her in the eyes. There is anger in them, and pain, but the way Catra’s breath stops for a moment gives away a deep sense of fear as well. Catra pulls away from Scorpia and stares down at her shaking hands.

“He’d...” Catra clenches her hands into fists. “He’d make me think like his fucking clones!” She slams her fist against the railing. “He’d make me keep saying the same bullshit they said about him until I actually believed it! And Adora too! He’d do the same to her! I can’t fucking stand thinking about it! And worse, I...” The anger grows visibly on her face. She bites her lip hard enough to draw blood.

Scorpia notices. Her eyes go wide. “He’s dead, Catra,” she says. “I know it hurts to remember but please... You’re here now. You’re okay. You survived what he did to you.”

Catra lets out a shaky breath. “I... Yeah. You’re right,” she says unconvincingly.

She wipes the blood from her mouth. For a moment, neither of them say anything. Catra is keenly aware of the question hanging in the air: what was she about to say? And she can’t believe she almost said it, so caught up in the heat of her rant. She nearly told Scorpia something she hasn’t even told Adora.

Fuck, what if Scorpia asks what she was about to say? Gotta move the conversation forward. “Anyway,” Catra says. “That’s...why it seems different to me. But I don’t know what it was like for you.” She sighs. “Sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit, I haven’t even asked how you’ve been doing.”

Without a word, Scorpia draws Catra back in for another hug. “I get it now,” she says, doing her best to stroke Catra comfortingly on the back, though the claws make it difficult. “At least, I think I do. He...he used me, made me attack my friends. Made me attack Perfuma... But he didn’t care if I suffered. I was...just a tool.”

Guilt stings at Catra. “Fuck, Scorpia, I...” For the first time, she does something more than lean into Scorpia’s hug: she wraps her arms around her neck and hugs her back. “I’m sorry. I never meant to say what he did to me was worse.”

“I know, Wildcat, I know. We both went through horrible things. All you’re saying is they were different things, and you’re right. The same in a lot of ways, but...I guess if you felt you couldn’t relate, it makes sense.”

Hearing it repeated back hurts more than Catra would have expected. “But you were hurting too. I should have been there.”

Scorpia smiles sadly. “Thanks for saying that. Uh... It’s something I talked to Perfuma about, actually.”

Catra’s fur stands on end. “Oh... Uh, yeah, I mean, I figured you talked to her about stuff, and I’m...probably pretty high on the list of things that hurt you.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean!” Scorpia waves her claws in front of her in objection. “Um... Well, I _did_ talk about that too. You know, the...the bad friend stuff.” Her face goes beat red. Catra shuffles uncomfortably. “But you’re–– I mean, it’s not–– We’re making a fresh start, right? And you’ve been _so_ much better. I forgive you, you know?”

The shame is too great. Catra can’t look Scorpia in the eye.

Scorpia lets out a breath. “What I talked to her about,” she says, “is that I wished you would talk with _all_ of us. Me, Spinny, Mermista, Micha and everyone else who was chipped. We all worked on healing together and...it didn’t seem right without you there.”

Catra reaches her hand across her torso and grips her elbow. “You were even worried about me then?”

“Of course I was! But Perfuma told me she uh, didn’t think group therapy would be a good fit for you.”

Catra finally makes eye contact. “Oh. Well...yeah, it would have been a disaster.”

They share a laugh, and the tense feeling between them finally dissipates a bit.

“Come to think of it,” Scorpia says. “There’s something we talked about that you probably don’t know.”

Shit. Catra’s limbs go stiff again.

“Not a bad thing!” Scorpia quickly clarifies. “Just...even though we were all really afraid, there was one thing we all realized. Something that gave us hope.”

Catra doesn’t know what to say. The idea of having hope in that situation is so far removed from what she went through, her instinct is to say it makes no sense, even though she doesn’t know what that something was.

“You must have realized it too. The whole reading thoughts thing went both ways.”

Catra nods. “So, you knew he had a weakness? Did you figure out Krytis too?”

Scorpia looks perplexed.

“Uh, guess not. Forget it. You were saying?”

“Well... It seemed like Prime knew everything. And he was unbelievably powerful. No one should have stood a chance. That’s what he wanted us all to think. That’s what all his clones thought. But there was one thing he couldn’t hide.” She smirks. “He was _terrified_ of you and Adora.”

Catra’s eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

“That’s how I knew. You two and Perfuma and Bow and Glimmer and everyone else would save us. I never had any doubt.”

“I... Holy shit. He was afraid? You’re not just saying that?”

Scorpia chuckles. “When have I ever been any good at lying?”

A silent moment passes. Then Catra feels a smile tug at her face. “Heh...” It starts small, just a snicker, but it soon grows into an enormous laugh that has Catra doubling over, and Scorpia joins in. Eventually Catra is able to calm down and look up at her friend with sparkling eyes. “Fuck, he really was scared, wasn’t he? I bet he died afraid, too.”

“Oh yeah. Didn’t have to read his mind to know that.”

Catra wipes tears of laughter from her eyes. “Good.”

Scorpia gets to her feet and offers a claw to help Catra up. She takes it. “Feeling better, Wildcat?”

“Yeah. I... Thanks, Scorpia.”

Scorpia smiles. “Thanks for trusting me. If there’s anything else you wanna talk about, just remember I’m here for you.”

Catra nods. “I will. And uh...same goes for you.”

* * *

The two of them make their way back to the front gates and meet up with Scorpia’s retinue.

“Hey, come visit us in the Light Zone sometime,” Scorpia says once she’s ready to leave. “Me and Perfuma. Oh, and when are you and Adora gonna get married? You _are_ going to get married, right? Do you know what kind of ceremony you want? Cuz I’ve heard some ceremonies have someone be this thing called the flower girl and I bet Perfuma would be _great_ at that. I mean, obviously she couldn’t be that in our wedding because she was the one getting married, which I think is a bit unfair, but if we go to someone else’s wedding––”

Catra puts a hand on Scorpia’s arm and smiles. The surprise cuts off Scorpia’s rambling. “It was good to see you too. You’re uh...” _You’re a good friend. Just say it._ “You’re...a better friend than I ever was.”

Scorpia scoops Catra up for one last hug before they part ways. “Like I said, you’re doing better now.” She sets her down. “Stay in touch?”

Catra smiles. “You bet.”

As Scorpia moves off into the distance, waving exuberantly while Catra gives a more reserved wave back, Catra thinks about where things stand between them. One conversation can’t undo everything she did. She’s sure it will still take time and effort for her and Scorpia to be truly comfortable around each other, but she knows she took an important step today, and as she walks through the halls of the palace, she’s already thinking of what she might write in a letter to Scorpia.

At least, she’s thinking of what she hopes to write, what she hopes will happen: that she’s talked things through with Adora, that they’re both doing well. That she’s doing a lot better since Scorpia’s visit. And maybe one day, she’ll be writing a special invitation to her and Adora’s wedding. The thought warms her cheeks.

But before that can happen, she needs to figure out what it is she’s been feeling, and she needs to be honest about it with Adora. And...she should probably tell her what she couldn’t say to Scorpia. There have been times when she’s wanted to, but she’s never been able to bring herself to do it.

She walks down the hallway leading to their bedroom, intending to wait for Adora there. But before she can reach it, she sees Adora approaching from the opposite end of the hall, apparently having the same idea.

They meet in front of the bedroom door, neither knowing what to say. Adora’s worry is clear on her face.

Catra nervously rubs the back of her neck. She feels the scar there and winces. “Hey, Adora,” she says. “Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who's read this fic and left kudos and comments. I've put so much work into this and the end is finally in sight! I'm pretty sure the story will be wrapped up in three more chapters.
> 
> Also, I have a Twitter account now where I talk about my writing, She-Ra and smut. You can find it here: https://twitter.com/AtrisMistraven


	11. Chapter 11

Each full of nervous energy, Catra and Adora pull on their jackets and begin a tense walk toward the town below Bright Moon’s palace. But the town itself is not their destination, just a stop on the way to a quiet place they both like.

Along the way, they make awkward small talk, and neither of them can remember the last time they’ve felt the need to do that. The last two years have been characterized by relentless teasing, delirious happiness in each other’s arms, dedication to repair and relief efforts, and the hard work of healing from and coping with the trauma of the first 20 years of their lives.

It isn’t that Adora doesn’t seem interested in the strange plant-fox creatures Catra discovered. But Catra is only telling her about them to make the walk easier, and it’s such an unfamiliar impulse to a couple who normally knows how to be comfortable with silence.

Finally, they arrive. Near the town, there’s a copse of trees, and through them is a small beach of red-orange sand. The sun is setting, and soon the area will be lit only by the Moonstone shining overhead. It’s a place they discovered on a walk several months back, and due to its relative obscurity and the fact that the town has its own larger beach, they can usually count on having privacy here. Thankfully, that holds true today.

Despite everything, it’s hard not to feel at peace here. Catra steps onto the sand and digs her toes in, and for a moment, everything else melts away. A breeze passes over her, not too cold yet, and she closes her eyes. Fuck, it’s been a day. She’s been spending too much time in her own head, and the exhaustion from the day’s emotional talks finally hits her.

A hand grips hers, fingers tangling together. She opens her eyes to see Adora beside her, smiling.

“I’ve missed you,” Adora says.

Catra looks at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just...come back to me?”

Catra takes a deep breath. “Yeah.” One more talk to go. And then...will things be back to normal?

No... As Catra watches Adora lay out towels for them––a comfortable distance from the surf, of course––she realizes that something is going to change. It has to. It already started that night Adora bathed her, took her to bed and...

Or maybe it started even before that. As Catra’s nightmares grew more frequent and intense, some sort of change must have been inevitable. She can only hope that it will be a change for the better, that she and Adora will be stronger for it.

As Adora kicks off her shoes and takes a seat on her towel, Shadow Weaver’s voice echoes in Catra’s mind. _You’ll drive her away again._

Adora looks up at her, smiles, and pats the towel she laid out for her. Catra exhales shakily. Her feet feel stuck in place, like the sand that helped to ground her a moment ago now holds her down.

With effort, she forces herself to move forward. _Shadow Weaver’s dead_ , she reminds herself. _I watched her die._ Somehow, the thought isn’t comforting.

Catra crosses her legs, drops down onto the towel and lets herself fall to her back. As she lies there, she raises an arm to shield her eyes from the setting sun. “I’m so fucking tired,” she says.

Adora lies down on her side facing Catra, propped up on one elbow. “How did things go with Scorpia?”

Catra turns her head to look questioningly at her girlfriend. “Oh, uh, you knew she was here?”

“I caught up with her a bit before you got back. Um, don’t worry, we didn’t talk about you. I know you hate that.”

Catra nods. “Thanks. Uh, things went well. She...asked us to visit. And I think we should. Sometime.”

Adora smiles knowingly, clearly picking up on what Catra is leaving unsaid, that she took steps to repair her relationship with Scorpia. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

They each pull themselves up to sitting positions. Where to start, Catra wonders.

“There’s so much to say. I...feel really weak.”

Adora’s eyes widen. “Do you need to lie down?”

Despite herself, Catra tilts her head back and lets out a loud, sudden laugh. “Not like that, idiot.”

“Oh.” Adora’s face goes beet red.

Catra keeps laughing. Adora joins in, though it’s obviously because she’s embarrassed and that just seems like the thing to do. Eventually, wiping a tear from her eye, Catra gets herself under control. “You’re not making this easier.”

“Sorry.”

“I can’t believe you’re the top here,” Catra says with a smirk.

Adora gives her a playful shove on the shoulder. “Would it make it easier if I ordered you to talk?”

“Nah, that doesn’t work outside the bedroom,” Catra says. She sticks her tongue out.

They smile at each other. At least banter is still easy. Now Catra just has to pull the bandage off and open up about what she’s been going through. She lowers her head. The smiles fade.

“What I mean is...” She sighs. “The nightmares are getting worse. I keep seeing Prime, Shadow Weaver... I don’t want to think about them, Adora. Not ever again.”

Adora pulls Catra in and lets her rest her head on her shoulder. “I don’t either.”

“The other night...I was trying to find you. In my dream, I mean. And...I ended up hurting you. Maybe even killing you.” She pulls her knees up tight against her chest. “I saw...how I looked back then, when Prime was controlling me. And I saw you dying in the Heart of Etheria. And I _know_ none of it was real, I know we survived it all, but it’s like I can’t escape it. There are nights when I don’t want to fall asleep because I’m so afraid of what I might have to relive.”

“Oh, love...” Adora holds her tight.

“I’m so afraid.” Catra holds her eyes shut, trying to fight back the tears. “I’m afraid that Shadow Weaver was right about me. That I’m weak, that I’m bad for you.”

“You’re not.”

“I keep thinking I need to pull myself together, to be strong for you like you are for me.”

“You mean... That’s what the other night was about?”

Catra bites her lip and winces. It’s still sore. “Partly,” she says. “It was...a lot of things.” She sighs, not knowing if she can express what’s been going on in her head, but she has to try. “When you, uh...took care of me, the other night. Helped me bathe and uh...” She gulps. Her heart pounds. “I-I never knew it could feel so...safe, I guess, to just let go. It did something to my head. Made me feel all...fuzzy.” Her face is red hot. She turns away from Adora. “Fuck, this is so embarrassing...”

Adora loosens her grip on Catra to give her a bit of space, but keeps her arm draped over her, hand lightly holding onto her shoulder. “I-It’s okay,” Adora says. “It was... Um, I mean... S-Something came over me too. I got this feeling like...you were letting me see something I hadn’t seen before, something no one had seen before. And...I guess I teased you a bit.” There’s a smile in her voice as she says it. “But what I cared about most was, because you were so vulnerable, I wanted to keep you safe. I wanted you to know it was okay to let that side of yourself out.”

Catra puts her hand over Adora’s and turns to face her, forcing herself to look her in the eye. “Adora,” she says. “Being vulnerable isn’t easy for me. I’ve always hated feeling that way. And, well...you know I always ran when I felt like that.”

“And...you’d only let me find you.”

Catra nods. “I’m still doing it, same as I always did when we were growing up. Except...after the other night, I didn’t even want you to find me.” She sighs. “And I’ve been so miserable without you, but I didn’t know what I could say. I felt like...I can’t be weak. That’s not who I am.”

Adora moves to sit cross-legged, takes Catra’s hands and holds them in her lap. “Catra, listen to me. You aren’t weak. You’ve survived so much and I know you’re still struggling, but you’re here and you’re working so hard. That takes strength.”

Catra grits her teeth and looks away. “Perfuma’s told me the same thing. But it’s _exhausting_. Why does nobody get that?”

“ _I_ get it.” Their eyes meet, Adora’s blazing with conviction. “Catra... I don’t know if I’ve ever said this, but being an 8-foot tall hero of legend makes you realize how little you can control.”

Catra’s ears fold back with shame.

Adora puts a hand on Catra’s cheek, her gaze softening. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. We’ve both been through a lot. Just...I think I might know a thing or two about feeling weak, you know? Being She-Ra, having all this power, and still seeing the world––the entire universe––almost slip out of my grasp time and again, unable to help anyone...” She lowers her head. “I still have nightmares sometimes.”

“Yeah?” Catra doesn’t know why she’s surprised. Adora has talked about nightmares before but not that often. “Have uh...you not been saying anything because of me?”

Now it’s Adora’s turn to look ashamed. “I know we agreed I should be more aware of making sure to say something when I’m not okay but...I don’t know. I’ve been coping. And you’ve been going through so much, so I didn’t want to draw attention to me.” Catra opens her mouth to say something but Adora keeps going. “And I _know_ I shouldn’t keep things to myself. I’m just in the habit. It’s something I need to work on. But I want you to know I think I understand how you feel. Maybe not exactly but––”

“Hey.” Catra takes Adora’s hand, cutting off her rambling. “Thanks. For getting it.”

They look into each other’s eyes for a moment, smiling, and meet in a gentle kiss.

“I’m uh...” Catra almost doesn’t dare to ask. “I’m...not going to drive you away, am I?”

Adora looks stunned.

“Sorry,” Catra says. “It’s stupid. I mean, how could you even answer that?”

Adora grips Catra’s hand more firmly. “By saying I love you and my life is so much better with you in it than when we were apart.”

Catra blushes. “Um, you’re sure things aren’t just better because I’m not trying to kill you anymore?” She forces a weak laugh, but it’s a grim joke that neither of them find funny. “Sorry, it’s just... I hear Shadow Weaver’s voice sometimes, in my dreams or...sometimes when I think about her. Telling me I’m a distraction or that I’ll drive you away again...”

“Catra, you never drove me away in the first place.” They’ve talked about this. They both know why Adora left the Horde, and they know how Catra turned all the blame on herself. With Shadow Weaver blaming her, reinforcing her worst thoughts about herself, how could she not feel like Adora left because of her?

“I know that now,” Catra says. “But...that doesn’t mean I don’t feel those old feelings sometimes. Perfuma says it’s because my mind is used to thinking a certain way so I still get that fear even though I know I don’t need to.”

Adora’s expression shifts. It seems like something has clicked in her head. “Hey,” she says. “Do you think that...what you were saying before, about how you can’t be weak because that’s not who you are? Do you think that’s kind of the same thing? That you’re used to not letting yourself be vulnerable, so it scares you when you do?”

“I... Huh.” Catra stares at Adora with surprise. “Maybe...” She chuckles. “Look at you. Guess you _can_ say something smart sometimes.”

Adora shoves her, and Catra allows herself to fall onto her back on top of the towel, laughing.

“Hey, watch it, I’m gonna get sand in my hair.”

“Serves you right.” Adora sticks her tongue out.

Catra smiles for a moment. Then she gives the idea some more thought. “It makes sense,” she says. “Maybe it _is_ just baked into my brain now, that I can’t let anyone see me be weak. It was always like that in the Fright Zone.”

“Yeah...” Adora lies down next to Catra and listens.

“And on Prime’s ship...” She shivers. “The clones always said ‘Prime knows all.’ And I didn’t just hear that, I _felt_ it. He had eyes everywhere. Cameras, the clones themselves... I thought...as long as I could out-think him, I could survive. I just had to stay useful for long enough to find an opening. But once I got talking to Sparkles...I guess I realized how tired I was. All I wanted was... Well, you already know.”

Adora nods. All Catra wanted was to see her again. They’ve talked extensively about Catra’s time on Prime’s ship over the past two years. “There’s no way I wouldn’t have saved you,” Adora says. “I know you wouldn’t let yourself think so, but you must have known.”

“I couldn’t let myself think it. You know I was prepared to die there.”

“I know. I knew it back then too. When I heard your message, when you said...you were sorry for everything. How could I not be there for you after that?”

Catra takes a deep breath. The thing she almost said to Scorpia, the thing she’s never told Adora before... It’s now or never. “Listen. Scorpia told me a bit about, uh, what it was like for her to be chipped. And, she said Prime was afraid of us. And that’s how she knew she’d be saved.”

A smile teases the edges of Adora’s lips. “I saw it in his eyes at the end. All his lies had fallen apart. He wanted everyone to think he was invincible. Maybe he even convinced himself.”

Catra looks Adora in the eye with a grim expression. “You have no idea how convincing he was...”

“What do you mean?”

“Adora, when he had me chipped, I...could hear the voices of the clones all the time. And they were all just repeating what Prime told them. That he knows all, that he was going to bring peace to the universe. They all believed it. They were _born_ believing it. And they said it so much because they wanted everyone else to believe it too.” She puts a hand to the back of her neck. “He made me do what he wanted, but...that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted me to believe all that shit about him too. And...” She clenches her eyes shut. “At first, I was screaming in my head constantly, trying to break out of his control. But he had me there for days before you came. I told myself, you won’t come, you shouldn’t come. A-and...I had to ask, what’s next? What if you _didn’t_ come? That would be it for me. That would have been the rest of my life. Serving Prime as a puppet. So...why not just give in.” She has no tears left. She only stares off into the distance at nothing in particular. “Maybe one day, I’d learn to stop thinking. Maybe I’d believe the things he told me. That was the only relief I’d ever have. All I had to do was give up.”

She doesn’t look at Adora. She can only imagine the shock and sadness on her face.

“But...you didn’t give up.” Adora says. “Right? You always told me, you never gave up. You kept fighting, trying to break free.”

“Yeah,” Catra says. “I didn’t give up. But...not because I’m strong. If it had gone on for weeks, months...longer...I don’t know that I could have held out. But at least, I couldn’t let myself stop thinking. I didn’t deserve that relief. I deserved to suffer.”

Adora sheds the tears Catra can’t. She throws her arms around her lover and pulls her in close.

“I hurt so many people, Adora...” Her voice is monotone, distant. “You should know better than anyone.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t do good things _now_. You _have_ been. For the other kingdoms, for _me_...”

Catra leans into Adora and puts an arm around her. “I know. But...like I said, knowing something and feeling it aren’t always the same.”

“I know. Trust me, I do.” She runs her fingers through Catra’s hair. “Maybe all we can do is try to make new memories until knowing and feeling get closer. You _do_ matter, Catra. And not only to me. Bow, Glimmer, Perfuma, Scorpia... None of us want you to suffer. You fought alongside us, saved the universe, and...we’re your friends. We want you to be happy.”

“Mm...” Catra snuggles in closer. “That means a lot. Seriously. But...as much as I wish you could say the right words and fix everything...”

“Yeah. It doesn’t work that way. I know. But I’ll keep reminding you.” She frees Catra from her embrace enough to be able to look her in the eyes. “And you keep reminding me to talk about my own stuff, okay? That’s how we’re stronger together.” She flashes a big grin.

“You’re such a dork.” Yet Catra can’t help but smile back. “I just...wish I knew what it would take for this to be over, for the nightmares to stop.”

“Time?” Adora ventures. “And supporting each other? I wish I had any other ideas, but...”

Catra nods. “I really don’t think there’s an easier way. Like you said, we uh, just have to make new memories, right? What else can we do but keep living?”

“Living works for me.” Adora shifts onto her back, easing Catra onto a spot where she can rest against her shoulder. “We’ve got a lot to live for. And if nothing else, we can be happy just to spite Prime.”

Catra smiles. “I like spite.”

They lie there together for some time. Catra closes her eyes, and it’s so tempting to just let herself drift off to sleep, under the Moonstone, the sound of the waves against the shore.

But even now, she’s still terrified of what she might see in her dreams. What if she nods off in Adora’s arms and finds that nothing has changed, that she’ll still be plagued by memories of the people who hurt her most, or of those _she_ hurt most?

Images of Adora’s prone body at the Heart of Etheria flood her mind, and of the deep wounds Catra left on her back when they fought on Prime’s ship. She remembers the ways she systematically abused and alienated everyone in the Fright Zone who could have been her friend, the hateful and nihilistic thoughts that went through her mind as she opened the portal, the feeling of betrayal when Adora told her she wouldn’t be coming back to the Horde. Despite all the work she’s done since then to try and help others, despite turning against Horde Prime, despite her vital role in activating the failsafe, will she ever be free of this torment? How could anyone truly forgive her? She hasn’t even forgiven herself and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to.

And yet Adora forgave her. Bow and Glimmer accepted her as a friend. Perfuma volunteered to teach her ways to cope with her trauma. And Scorpia...Scorpia is as enthusiastic as ever, even if things are uncomfortable sometimes. It’s more support than Catra thinks she deserves, but on the other hand, it’s not as if she doubts her friends’ sincerity. Unthinkable as it is to her that she deserves forgiveness, it’s obvious that the people closest to her at least don’t want her to suffer.

Maybe some days that won’t be enough. Catra will still live with this pain, struggle to cope, have nightmares. But every day won’t be like that. Adora’s right, there are still reasons to live, even when it hurts. One day at a time, Catra thinks. There’s no other way to get through this.

Adora nudges her. “Hey, you didn’t doze off, did you? I said it’s getting late.”

Catra looks up and sighs. Sure enough, the sun has almost finished setting. “It’s comfortable here.”

“It’ll be more comfortable under some blankets. And out of some clothes.” She waggles her eyebrows ridiculously. Catra bursts into laughter.

“You’re such an idiot.”

Adora shrugs. “Maybe, but you love me.” She stands up, collects her towel, and offers a hand to Catra, who takes it with a smile.

“Yeah,” she says. “I really do.”

* * *

Their bedroom door is still open a crack when Catra grabs Adora by the waist and pulls her close. The door slams shut as Adora pushes Catra against it, their lips meeting desperately.

They quickly discard their jackets and toss the towels aside. Catra slips her hands under the hem of Adora’s shirt and runs her fingers over her strong core, revelling in the feeling of those toned muscles.

Adora bites Catra’s lower lip. It still stings from where she bit it herself and drew blood earlier, but the pain is nothing in the face of Adora’s intense desire. The dual sensations draw an animalistic moan.

It’s been a long, emotional day. Catra is past the point of exhaustion. Right now, she needs to feel these strong arms around her, to look into her lover’s blue eyes and see them burning for her.

Adora turns her attention to Catra’s neck, gladly giving her what she hopes is only a prelude for what’s to come. “Oh fuck,” Catra exhales, already feeling her knees getting weak.

Neither of them can be rid of their clothes fast enough, but it’s a struggle to keep apart long enough. Catra nearly trips over her pant legs. Adora gets her top stuck on her head. They laugh, make out clumsily, and gradually make their way to their bed, where finally Catra finds herself naked, on her back, and staring up at the love of her life. A sly smile overtakes her. Adora gives a smug grin in return.

“Well?” Catra says. “What are you waiting for?”

“I’m just thinking. We didn’t really talk things through last time.”

Catra wraps her arms around Adora’s neck. “Less talking, more biting.”

But Adora takes one of Catra’s hands in hers and untangles her from her neck. “Still trying to take charge?”

In a way, yes, Catra realizes. “I just want to get fucked right now, Adora. Come on, you’re good at it.”

Adora laughs. “You know I can’t say no to that. But we ended up where we did because we let our feelings take over and rushed into things. I don’t want that to happen again.”

“You’re not hot when you scold me,” Catra says with a pout.

“Don’t make me take that as a challenge.”

Adora stands up suddenly and stalks around the room, leaving Catra feeling only the empty air where the heat and pressure of Adora’s body had been.

“Adoraaa,” Catra whines. “Where are you going?”

“I have an idea,” Adora says, glancing around as if looking for something. “Don’t move.”

“I’ll get off without you if you take too long.”

“Don’t you dare!” She rummages around in a closet for a moment, then exclaims, “Aha!”

When Adora returns to the side of the bed, she keeps her hands hidden behind her back. “There’s something I want to try,” she says. “But only if you’re okay with it.”

Catra tilts her head curiously. “Sure you don’t want to surprise me?”

“Yes,” Adora says simply. “We should have been communicating all along. I realize that now.” She takes a breath. “I think we should have a safeword. And I’ll check in with you and make sure things stay good. If I go too fast, tell me. Because ultimately, you should be the one in control here. You’re giving me permission to take things as far as you want them to go, and you’re trusting me to take care of you. I want to do everything I can to honor that trust.”

“That’s...really thoughtful,” Catra says. “Sorry for being so eager.” She looks Adora’s naked form up and down and smirks. “But hey, can you blame me?”

Adora smirks right back at her. “Flattery is nice, but starting now, it won’t get you anywhere.” And then she reveals what she had hidden behind her back: she brings her hands in front of her chest and holds out a scarf. “It’s been a lot of fun to watch you squirm. I want more of that. And so, tonight, I want to see what you look like bound and helpless.” She pulls the scarf taut. “Completely at my mercy.”

Catra’s mouth goes dry in an instant. Seeing Adora shift from kind and patient to domineering so casually certainly does something to her head.

“Just remember,” Adora goes on. “You have to tell me if you’re not okay. Nothing matters to me more than that.”

Catra nods. “D-did you have a safeword in mind?”

Adora smiles. “I did.” She lets one half of the scarf drop, extends her free hand to the side and closes her eyes. In a flash of light, the sword of She-Ra appears. “Your safeword is Grayskull. As in...”

Catra’s eyes go wide. Her body quivers. Oh yes.

“ _For the honor of Grayskull!_ ”


	12. Chapter 12

She stands towering over Catra in all her naked majesty: flowing golden hair, beaming blue eyes, muscles bulging even more than usual. The sword vanishes from her hand and she turns to gaze at her lover with a smug smile.

“Holy fuck,” Catra breathes.The sight of She-Ra is always something to behold, and Catra gets to see her in a way nobody else does. For a moment, she simply takes in Adora’s form with reverence. Those abs. _Damn_. Catra could never tire of looking at them. In fact, she inches closer to the edge of the bed and reaches out a hand, unable to resist the urge to touch them.

But Adora doesn’t let her. Instead, she grabs Catra’s wrist. “That’s cute,” she says. “You’ve forgotten your place already.” She holds up the scarf for Catra to see.

Catra’s breath hitches. This is really happening. She looks up at Adora with wide eyes. Fuck, she’s so tall like this. Adora has a couple inches over Catra normally, but as She-Ra, looking down at her in this way, it makes Catra feel very small.

And yet, it’s not a bad feeling. On the contrary, with Adora flaunting the pure strength and glory of She-Ra, Catra couldn’t feel more safe. Maybe not at ease – the devilish glint in Adora’s eyes is far too exciting – but safe? Absolutely.

“You’re still okay with this?” Adora says as she lays the scarf over Catra’s wrist.

“Fuck yes.”

Adora’s lips curl up playfully. “Then I’m going to tie you up now.”

And so she does, abruptly pulling Catra’s wrist over her head and pinning it to the bed. Catra struggles instinctively but there’s no overpowering She-Ra. Adora swings one leg over Catra and moves onto the bed, straddling her with massive, muscular thighs. It all happens so quickly, Catra isn’t sure what she should be doing. Should she fight back, make Adora earn it? Yeah, that sounds right. But before she’s even finished thinking about it, Adora has already secured her other wrist. Catra’s chest rises and falls rapidly as she looks up at Adora.

“Not much fight in you tonight,” Adora teases.

Catra closes her eyes for a moment and smiles. “Give me a break. It’s been a long day.”

“Don’t worry,” Adora says. “I’ll take good care of you.” She leans down and goes to work tying the scarf around Catra’s wrists, first binding them together and then tying the other end to the bedpost.

When she’s done, Catra pulls against the restraints experimentally. It’s like nothing she’s ever felt before, being bound this way, her body on display for her lover. The scarf is tight against her wrists as she pulls. She realizes that, with effort, she could likely escape; even though she doesn’t keep her claws sharp anymore, they would probably do the trick. But escape isn’t what’s on her mind right now. Instead, she basks in the feeling of being at Adora’s mercy and lets out a satisfied sigh.

“Mm,” Adora hums. “This is a good look for you.” She takes Catra’s chin between her thumb and index finger and forces eye contact. “Still doing okay?”

It all hits Catra harder than she expected, feeling Adora’s controlling touch and the intensity of her gaze. She fumbles for words and ultimately settles on nodding instead. She begins to slip into the same headspace she found herself in the last two times she and Adora had sex, feeling a pleasant fog filling her mind. But this time, something is different, because now Catra knows it’s coming and she invites it in. She’s still wary about giving up control, but then again, is that really what she’s doing? All she has to do is say one word and it will end. She knows Adora wouldn’t push her to do anything she didn’t want.

That knowledge calms any anxieties Catra might have had. There’s no one she trusts more than Adora, and after the history they’ve had, after once thinking she could never trust her again and that Adora wanted nothing to do with her, knowing she was wrong and that they survived it all to end up here now is more than Catra ever thought she could deserve.

Adora brushes her thumb over Catra’s mouth teasingly, and without thinking, Catra parts her lips and draws it in. It’s a move so shamelessly submissive that it even takes Adora by surprise. “Oh my,” she says. “Someone’s eager.”

Catra’s face flushes. She lets go of the digit and meets Adora’s gaze with half-lidded eyes. “I-it, um,” she stammers. “It seemed like the thing to do?”

Adora laughs beautifully. “Then by all means, my pet.”

That single word is all it takes to bring down the last vestiges of Catra’s self-consciousness and for her mind to fully give into that seductive haze. Adora places a hand on her cheek and Catra nuzzles against it, dutifully planting kisses on those strong, thick fingers. And as she does, she feels Adora’s other hand possessively grip her waist, so large in this form that her fingertips reach nearly halfway around her back.

As wonderful as it feels to have Adora straddle her like this, she knows that some positions are going to have to shift for her lover to have access to her aching pussy, and so she’s not too upset when Adora dismounts and shifts her legs back. Catra tries to wrap a leg around Adora’s, but she’s so tall and muscular as She-Ra that Catra’s ankle barely reaches Adora’s knee. For good measure, she encircles Adora’s other thigh with her tail, wanting as much body-to-body contact as she can get without the use of her arms. Adora grants her exactly what she wants, leaning down to nibble on Catra’s neck while roughly caressing the subtle curves of Catra’s hips.

All of it has reduced Catra’s ability for speech down to purrs and moans, and so Adora makes sure to check in. “Tell me how this makes you feel.”

Catra reluctantly pries herself away from Adora’s hand but can only manage a small whimper.

Adora laughs. “I’ll give you a second,” she says and pulls away from Catra’s neck.

“Please don’t stop!” Catra says instinctively, and as she does, she tugs hard against the restraints that she had momentarily forgotten were there, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around Adora and draw her back in.

“That good, huh?” Adora says with a smirk and leans back down to whisper in her ear. “Talk to me. I love hearing exactly how good I make you feel.” She goes back to biting Catra’s neck and kissing her jawline. The hand on her waist finds its way further back to roughly grip her ass.

Catra squirms and rubs her thighs together. Feeling how soaked she is, she tugs on the scarf again and lets out a low whine when it still doesn’t give. “I-I...” She finally manages to find her voice. “I’m so wet for you, Adora... I need to be touched. Please.”

Adora chuckles. “Show me how wet.”

They disentangle their legs from each other and Catra spreads her thighs obediently. Adora brushes a finger against Catra’s inner thigh, slowly, sending quivers through her body. With a sly smile, Adora looks Catra directly in the eyes and licks her finger clean. “My, you _are_ wet.”

Catra’s lip trembles. Her clit pulses. Her eyes are glassy as she looks up into Adora’s shining blue gaze. “I want you so bad,” she says, voice quiet and breathy. “I want you to do everything to me.”

Even in her lust-addled state, Catra doesn’t miss the slight waver in Adora’s confident demeanour. It’s only a slight change in her breathing, a sharp intake as Catra’s words hit her, but it’s the kind of thing Catra is used to noticing. There’s always a sense of pride in drawing a reaction from Adora by teasing her, but this is different. The pride Catra feels now is in knowing that Adora wants her just as bad. There was a time when she never would have dared to dream that Adora could want her, and the memory causes tears to sting at the edges of her dual-toned eyes. She blinks them away.

“Catra?” Adora leans down and brushes the tears away with her thumb. The worry is plain on her face.

“Don’t you dare stop,” Catra says. “Please. Please fuck me.”

Adora nods, but it’s obvious her confidence is shaken.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am,” Catra goes on. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Adora.” She bites a fang over her lower lip and puts on as seductive a face as she can. “I’m yours. I love you. Please make me come. I can’t take much more.”

Adora grabs Catra with both massive hands, one on each cheek, and pulls her into a kiss. The forcefulness of it, the sound of Adora’s moans mixing with hers, and the taste of herself on Adora’s tongue is nearly enough to send Catra over the edge without her pussy even being touched. She squirms and purrs and pulls so hard against the scarf that her wrists hurt. When Adora breaks the kiss, they gaze into each other’s eyes, and they’re both tearing up now. “I love you too,” Adora says between heavy breaths.

“Fuck me,” Catra whispers. “Please... I’ll do anything.”

At that, Adora’s lips curl slightly. The magnitude of all the emotions between them is still clear on her face, but she starts to gain back some of her dominant swagger. “Anything?” she teases.

Catra’s face heats up. “A-Anything.”

There’s a mischievous glint in Adora’s half-lidded eyes. Without a word, she slides slowly off of Catra and steps away from the bed, toward their dresser. Catra immediately misses her heat and weight, but the feeling is replaced with anticipation when she sees Adora opening the bottom drawer, where they keep their toys. The blush on her face spreads to her ears as Adora comes back, smirking and holding a large, pink dildo, bulbous on one end where it’s meant to be worn inside.

Adora crawls back on top of Catra and presents the tantalizing toy. “Here’s what I want,” she says. “Get this nice and slick for me. And then I’m going to fuck you so hard, your pussy will ache for a week.” The promise sends a shiver through Catra, starting at her clit and rocking her entire body. “Oh, and one other thing,” Adora says. A downright wicked grin spreads across her lips. “Since you _did_ say you would do anything...”

“Y-yes?”

Adora caresses Catra’s cheek with her free hand, then cards her fingers behind her ear and through her hair. Catra closes her eyes and leans into the gentle touch, then opens them wide when Adora roughly grips her hair and pulls her close. “If you’re going to be my pet,” she says, her voice low, “then I am your Mistress. How does that sound?”

Utterly powerless, hands bound, held by her hair, Catra’s entire body feels hot and weak under Adora’s control. “F-fuck...” she breathes.

“I asked you a question,” Adora chides. “Unless you’re saying you don’t want that?” There’s an underlying note of concern in her voice beneath the dominant persona, making it clear to Catra that Adora is genuinely asking for her consent but doesn’t want to break character.

“I-I do want that,” Catra manages to say. “Please...Mistress...” Simply saying the word sends a jolt through her body. “L-let me be your pet.”

Adora flashes a wolfish grin. “Good girl,” she says, and Catra nearly melts beneath her. Adora lets her lie back down, putting distance between their faces, but doesn’t relinquish her hold on her hair. “Now,” she says and holds the dildo up to Catra’s mouth. “Get to work.”

Catra obediently parts her lips, leans up to the toy and drags her tongue along the length of it, up and down a few times before accepting the tip into her mouth. Adora eases it in and out slowly and Catra moans as she lubricates it. She glances up, making brief eye contact with Adora with the dildo still in her mouth, and the sight apparently has the intended effect; Adora bites her lip and brings her spare hand to her pussy to pleasure herself as she watches Catra prepare the toy. Her moans coax even louder noises from Catra and draw out fresh juices from her already soaked nether lips.

Once satisfied that the dildo is wet enough, Adora takes it slowly from Catra’s mouth, leaving a dazed look on her face and a thin trail of saliva to her lower lip.

“You did good,” Adora says, wiping the spit from Catra’s mouth with the back of her hand. “Though by now, you must be plenty wet... I doubt you need the extra lube.”

Catra nods bashfully. She knows as well as Adora does that that wasn’t the point of the act.

Adora positions the toy in front of her entrance and Catra watches hungrily. “You’ve been so patient,” Adora says, drawing Catra’s eyes to hers. In that moment, Catra can see the lust in her lover’s eyes and sweat rolling down her brow, leaving no doubt that Adora has had to exercise just as much patience. “It’s time to reward you.”

 _About time_ , says Catra somewhere in the back of her mind. But she’s in no mood to prolong their foreplay any more by being bratty. She’s ready to burst as it is. Instead, she closes her eyes and purrs. “Thank you, Mistress,” she breathes.

“Watch me, pet,” Adora says. “I want your gorgeous eyes open for this.”

Catra obeys and is immediately grateful for the instruction. She watches as Adora pushes the bulbous end of the dildo against her slick labia, grinding for a few seconds against it and letting out a low groan. The sight is entrancing, the sounds magnificent as Adora’s wanting pussy easily takes the toy, leaving her with the longer end sticking out, wet with saliva and ready to deliver the orgasm Catra has been yearning for.

“Fuck,” Catra whispers.

“I plan to.”

Catra shivers. With no resistance left to the most submissive thoughts her lover has brought out, she decides to let them all out and hopefully ramp up Adora’s dominance even more. “I’m so wet for you, Mistress,” she says pitifully. “You’ve got me so horny. I _need_ to feel you inside me. Please, _please_ fuck me.”

Adora breathes hard, her composure shaken only for a moment before a wide grin spreads across her face. She leans her large, muscular body down on top of Catra and captures her lips in an intense kiss. Catra moans against her lover’s mouth and whimpers when the kiss ends all too soon. Still close to her face, Adora whispers, “Since you asked so nicely...”

With one hand, she positions the toy to finally penetrate Catra’s wet folds, though she can’t resist dragging the tip up and down her labia first, driving her even more out of her mind. Luckily for Catra, Adora doesn’t have the patience to continue the delicious torment. It takes very little pressure for the dildo to slide into Catra, slowly, and she gasps as the feeling of fullness nearly sends her over the edge. The movement stops only when Adora has buried herself to the hilt. She stays there for a moment, allowing them both to bask in the feelings of intimacy and pure lust, before retreating slightly and beginning to establish a rhythm. It’s slow at first but it’s exactly what Catra has been waiting for. The heat between her legs is unreal.

“Oh fuck, Adora,” she says. “I’m so close.”

“That’s _Mistress_ to you, pet,” Adora says. “Say it.”

“M-Mistress,” Catra whimpers. “Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t.” It’s clear in Adora’s glassy eyes that she’s on the precipice of climax herself. She quickens the rhythm slightly, muscles tensing as she tries to push herself over the edge. The moans that escape her throat get lower as she thrusts against Catra’s pussy until they sound almost like growls.

Catra opens her mouth but has no words left. She feels her walls constrict around the toy, and her back arches of its own accord as the orgasm thunders through her. When her vocal chords finally obey her, only a strained groan comes out.

Only a moment later, a guttural cry of pleasure bursts from Adora’s throat. She gives Catra one final thrust and stays buried deep inside her, grinding her clit against Catra as she rides out the climax. Catra has always loved the vulgar sounds Adora is capable of and the combination of that and the pressure on her mound immediately brings her to a second orgasm.

Just when Catra thinks she can take no more, Adora lays her large body on top of hers, wraps huge fingers around one of her bound hands, and roughly grabs a tit with her other hand. Catra yelps in surprise at the sudden move, but then finds herself lost in She-Ra’s magnificent blue eyes as Adora bears down on her.

“Come for me again, pet,” Adora says between heavy breaths. She squeezes Catra’s hand firmly. “And let me see your eyes when do you.”

Catra’s lip quivers. “Yes, Mistress...”

It’s a demand Catra is happy to meet, but maintaining eye contact is more challenging than she imagined. Adora rocks against her, resuming her rhythmic trusts while massaging Catra’s breast. She pinches Catra’s nipple, slams against her pussy and all the while holds her in a powerful gaze. A third orgasm is no trouble for Catra to achieve, so Adora drives her to a fourth. They hit her in waves, each more powerful than the last. Catra closes her eyes to try and withstand the intense pleasure before forcing herself to keep them open, to do what Adora asked—no, what her Mistress _demanded_ of her. The intimacy is unlike anything Catra has experienced before; all the while, Adora keeps hold of her hand, steadying her, supporting her through the most incredible orgasms of her life.

Finally, she’s taken all she can. “I-It’s too much,” she says. “Please! No more! I c-can’t!”

Adora eases off and stops. She sits back up to give each of them some much needed space to recover, but keeps hold of Catra’s hand. After a few seconds of them both catching their breath, Adora says, “Want me to pull out now?”

Catra nods. “Slowly.”

Adora obliges, then frees the toy from her own grasp and tosses it onto the floor. With a deep breath in and then out, a glow envelops Adora and then fades as She-Ra’s power is dismissed, leaving her at her normal size and absolutely spent.

“Holy shit,” Catra says weakly.

Adora laughs. “Let’s get your hands free.” She unties the scarf, tosses it aside and collapses next to Catra. “Come here.”

Catra happily accepts the invitation, nuzzling against Adora and purring as she’s wrapped in a tight embrace. A shiver runs through her as she starts to come down from her high.

“You doing okay?” Adora says. “Here, turn around. Let me spoon you.”

Catra does, and Adora takes her hands and begins to gently massage her wrists.

“Does anything hurt?”

“Wrists are sore. Pussy is sore.” She purrs contentedly. “I’m okay. Better than okay.”

Adora snuggles up against her, brings one of her hands up and kisses her knuckles. “You were so good, babe. I’m so proud of you.”

“Th-thanks.” She blushes.

“That was...a lot. So much. If there’s anything you need...”

Catra smiles. As she relaxes against Adora’s warm body, she lets out a breath that it feels like she’s been holding forever. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Adora makes a soft, happy noise. “Me too.”

It doesn’t take long for Catra to drift off in Adora’s powerful arms. That night, she sleeps better than she has in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, only the epilogue remains! Thank you all for reading this fic, for your very sweet comments and for putting up with some long waits for updates. I'll have more to say after the ending is up.
> 
> You can follow me on Twitter at https://twitter.com/AtrisMistraven where I talk about She-Ra, lewd things and my progress on my writing.


End file.
